Radiantly Raw!

Inside my head

2010-03-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

On Jan 5th, I said "So, now I'm on a mission. A mission to get back to the place where I felt convicted enough to put this powerful scripture (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) on my blog. Back to the place where I declared that I would never desecrate His temple again with the junk I had been eating." That pretty much sums up where I am still.

Here's what's on my mind now...

As a dear friend so eloquently put it, I seem to have a compulsion to kill myself slowly with food. It sounds dramatic, but just as in her own life, my family is riddled with Type II Diabetes on both sides. Cancer abounds (although I now understand that the raw food diet is no garauntee against cancer). Heart problems are an issue on my dad's side of the family. Considering my lifestyle, it doesn't seem to be a matter of if these things will be part of my own life, it's more like a matter of when. These truths weigh heavily on my heart & mind.

Also, the baby thing again. It doesn't jive with our religious beliefs to prevent pregnancy. Yet... if I were to find out I was expecting right now (I'm not) I know I would be thrilled. But wouldn't a lot of the joy be overshadowed by the fact that I'm 300 pounds? I've gone through two pregnancies at over 250 pounds. But that was 5 and 8 years ago! My body has been through a lot since then, mainly because of this weight I lug around. I'll be 35 in 2 months. My back hurts right now as I type this, and it hurts all the time! Who can blame it!? Anyway, I cannot imagine feeling very "well" through a pregnancy at this weight. I always have horrid morning noon & night sickness for the first 3 to 4 months. I need all the help I can get in the feeling great department. I'm one of those women who LOVE being pregnant! I don't want to feel lousy! >sigh< OK, so I can still say I feel healthy, I'm alright. I used to be that way. No, in recent years I'm pigging out on junk all the time. Soda every day, donuts twice a week, frozen yogurt twice a week, pizza, carbs, comfort foods..... I really am killing myself slowly with food. And I decide to continue doing it every hour of every day. :-(

These are the thoughts racing around in my head recently. I'm so tired of the battle. I'm so tired of not being who or what I know I should be. Why on earth does it have to be so hard for some of us? I'm not feeling self pity, I'm feeling anger! Maybe that's not so bad, since in my case, anger usually leads to action. But for now, these feelings suck!

Going back

2010-01-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

I'm still in a funk over all this today. I've not made any healthy changes since my last post while drinking that green smoothie. But, as RawMama pointed out.....

I just pulled up the single post from yesterday and after re-reading all of my crying & whining and asking and pleading, there it was...

It's like it sat there at the bottom of my blog as an answer waiting to be seen. I was just too wrapped up in myself to notice it.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

So, now I'm on a mission. A mission to get back to the place where I felt convicted enough to put this powerful scripture on my blog. Back to the place where I declared that I would never desecrate His temple again with the junk I had been eating.

When we know better, we're responsible to do better. But for a long time now, I've been guilty of knowing better & not doing any better. Choosing the wrong path while having the knowledge of the better path. That's a heavy sin to carry. So, I'll be going through some forgiveness to get back to that place. I know God has forgiven me. But I need to forgive myself & get started on doing the right thing again. God led me here, he'll bring me through it successfully again. I just need to have some quiet time with Him & not as much quiet time with myself.

First, I will go make a green smoothie for lunch, even though I had hot cocoa with marshmallows for breakfast.

Edited to Add: Quinn says num num num while a make green smoothies and claps while the Vita-Mix is running. :-) He loves them so much I had to stop adding flax meal because it was causing him to poop too much. :-/ Here's a couple pics of him. He has to have some before I drink any, and I took a pic of when he started just now, and when he finished. See how much he drank! He'll be back for more!

Happy New year

2010-01-04T08:33:00.000-08:00

I am so incredibly frustrated with myself right now. Currently, I am sitting here with a miserable scowl on my face that I cannot seem to wipe off, sipping on a cold green smoothie that I do not want & trying to get these thoughts out of my head and onto the blog where perhaps they will stop tormenting me. Ugh. This is going to be another long, rambly post filled with me just spewing my feelings all over the place. I apologize in advance for that...consider yourself warned.

I didn't eat raw at all after we had that financial issue. I just took that opportunity to eat junk through the holidays. Great. Back up to 296, this must be my set point or whatever it's called. My default weight now. Within the last week I went back to drinking Dr. Pepper & Cherry Dr. Pepper at every meal, eating Twix candy bars whenever I felt like it, and making special trips here & there to grab this or that kind of food.

This morning, all I want is to drink a hot cup of coffee & ignore all the alarms going off in my head. :(

The last couple days I've developed a rash, and beginning last night it's gotten really painful & itchy. I have no idea what it's from or why it's here. My gut tells me it's some kind of response to the overload of sugar. This is the only reason I'm drinking this green smoothie. It tastes great, I just don't want it. *sigh* I really don't understand myself sometimes.

At night, I am FILLED with resolve. I know that I know that I know this is what I want- exercise, raw foods, juices, clean eating. Then, I wake up & I'm like a 6 year old who doesn't want to go to school. I feel tired, lazy, cold.... the list is endless really. And I have no desire whatsoever to do what I was so certain I wanted to do just 8 hours before. It's not temptation. It's like the resolve literally dissolved while I was asleep & I just wake up not caring. What is THAT!?!?! And how do I fix it?

Last night, Greg decided he needed to do some fixes, upgrades, etc on our main computer. It's set up with the big plasma tv as the monitor. When he switched it over to view the computer, the screen saver was showing a slideshow of photos from 2 years ago. Suddenly, we all stopped to stare at these memories. The girls were AMAZED that I now look SO different. Delaney was simply shocked. Not in a mean way, not in a hurtful way. She couldn't even find the words to explain it, she was just shocked. Mostly they just recalled the Christmas gifts that year, and the horseback riding at a festival, etc. But behind them, as Greg I sat on the couch staring in shocked silence, we were fighting back tears. Because we looked so vibrant & our girls were absolutely radiant with health & vitality! Greg looked over at me and just said "They looked so much healthier back then." They don't look bad now, but to have seen them that way, put it in perspective for us. How can someone who lived in such a healthy way, choose to not return to that? Especially for her children? Especially when my own parents are declining at young ages right in front of me? How is it that I don't care enough to improve?

Next, I went to take a shower. And this tame rash that was taking over the 3 days prior suddenly went nuts! It wasn't really bothering me before, but when the water hit my skin it started itching and burning. I wanted to claw my skin off! An hour later it was still raging. I fell asleep shuddering with pain! And I was praying about all of this clutter in my brain & fell asleep during my conversation with God, whoops.

Between the mesmerizing slideshow of what felt like a million years ago & the painful reality of my body screaming out for health...... Why on earth do I wake up today wanting coffee & donuts?

I just went shopping on Friday for junk. I have chips & dip in the house, soda, cookies & a Twix. Then Saturday I went shopping for all the stuff we should really be eating. Green smoothie ingredients, plain pita chips, hummus, celery, salad items. I told Greg as I put that stuff into the cart at Costco, "I don't have any desire to eat these foods."

Why am I so severely lacking in discipline? Why can't I eat these things & stay away from the other things just because I KNOW it's the right thing to do? Why does it have to be about how I feel?

I WANT to be able to go through a drive thru while we're out running errands. I WANT to be able to join in eating the pastries & coffee at church on Sunday morning. I WANT to be able to have a cup of hot cocoa & marshmallows whenever the mood strikes. (I sound like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum!!!!!)

I WANT to radiate health & peace. I WANT to have energy, I cannot remember EVER having energy. I WANT to stay at a weight that's healthy & feels good to me. I WANT to eat what I want & not be fat! I WANT to WANT these raw foods!!!!! I WANT to be healthier for my children. I WANT this mental battle to cease.

All these WANTS are clearly not compatible with each other. And they're all VERY strong desires. So what do I do? :(

One bite at a time, one meal at a time.... well, that's just not working for me. Like I said, I am SO frustrated with myself right now. Hopefully, getting all this out of my head will be a step in the right direction.

Going strong!

2009-12-10T13:55:00.001-08:00

Dinner last night was lovely! The girls thought it was so neat to eat by candlelight. Greg thanked me a dozen times for such a nice meal. I didn't overeat, and I didn't relish every bite, thinking oh how I missed you pot roast! LOL Of course, I said it was Greg's favorite meal, not mine!

We had ice cream for dessert & I was able to use up & throw out 2 cartons of ice cream from the freezer. ;-) Won't be buying any more until it's someone's birthday. I didn't especially enjoy that either. Weird. You would think I would have just savored it! It wasn't yucky, but it wasn't the best thing ever either. Pretty cool!

Oh, but the bread... We had fresh warm bread with the pot roast & that was yummy. I'm a carbaholic. Didn't overeat though.

I woke up this morning and had a green smoothie. For lunch I had a head of celery! For dinner I'm having another green smoothie.

YAY! I didn't go spiraling down into the food abyss!!!

I have enough ingredients for tonight's green smoothie, and then that's it. I'm trying to scrounge up a few dollars (don't have much to sell!) to make a grocery run so I won't have to resort to all cooked. But even if I do, there's no junk in the house besides brownie mix, so it's not like I could get into too much trouble. I am determined to either stay on track, or get right back on it!!

I will make the healthiest choice possible in the moment.

I grab encouragement wherever I can get it, and getting right back to raw after last night's meal is encouraging to me! So are the comments! Thank you all so much for your support, encouragement, and advice!!! <3 I wonder how well it would have gone if I didn't have the accountability of this blog? When it goes beyond just an internal dialogue, I'm accountable to others & more motivated to stick with it!

I keep forgetting to mention this as well. When I first went raw back in 2007, I would sit down with my green smoothie at the computer & look at before & after pictures, websites with testimonials, and any videos I could find (there are A LOT more videos now). Doing that kept me inspired! Well, let me tell you what the most incredible inspiration is right now when I do that...... THIS BLOG!!!! It's so cool to look back at the posts from then and see those pictures & read the numbers going down! I have to say to myself, you can do this- you already DID this!!! Of course I wish I hadn't gotten morbidly obese again. But I'm so glad I have this record of that journey to inspire MYSELF on this new journey!!!!! How awesome!!!!

I think I can, I think I can...

2009-12-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it is harder this time. The raw foods don't sound as good to me as I had hoped. I tried the broccoli dish I was excited about in the dehydrator & I could barely eat it. I'm lacking ingredients to try much else. So green smoothies & salads & fruit have been my mainstays.

Its also tough because I'm not eating raw on special occasions. Like Friday, the 4th, was my oldest daughter's birthday, so I ate with them. I had a piece of her cake as well. That spiraled into Saturday because I was super busy & had no time to prepare anything, and why not, I had cooked food the day before...? I was determined to get back on track Sunday & I did. But it wasn't easy.

I've stayed raw since then, but tonight is a very special occasion too. It's been 15 years since our first date. :) It may seem silly to celebrate that, but it's super important to us. After that night we were inseparable & it really marked the start of our life together. I made a pot roast for Greg, his favorite meal, and he would like me to eat with them. Not at all in a sabotaging, unsupportive way. Just like Christmas, it doesn't sound as good to him if he knows I'm not eating too. I can understand this. It's part of why we felt so isolated when we went raw last time.

My concern, once again, is that I'm so darn "all or nothing". I so wish that I was more balanced & could just have a cooked meal now & then without worrying that I'll downspiral into junk food oblivion! Is there a class or a self help book that explains why some people are like this & what can be done to fix it?

I would say that after I have this celebratory dinner tonight that I will go right back to 100% raw first thing in the morning. But... and please understand this is really embarassing to say- I considered just leaving this out & not blogging about the next weeks food choices. But i always strive for full disclosure so... We are completely broke, and I have maybe one more day (if I stretch it) of raw food left to eat. We live VERY paycheck to paycheck & we said back when we were all raw before, that we could never afford to have part of the family raw & part cooked. It's just way too expensive. This is proving to be the case. And we don't even buy very much organic! Not as much as we should, it's just too pricey. I haven't been able to get any staples of a raw food pantry such as almond butter, coconut oil, raw nuts of any sort, coconut butter, etc. My choices for eating have been very slim. And now, I'm running out of frozen fruits for green smoothies, as well as the greens themselves. I use the same greens for salads, so there goes that. I have 3 apples left, a bag of clementines, & 6 bananas. We get paid NEXT Wednesday. I know, it's pathetic to live like that, but this is where we are right now, and we're doing our best. We have lots of frozen ground beef, chicken, and plenty of veggies in the freezer for times like this, and I guess I'll just have to eat those foods for now.

I just don't want to get too discouraged. The transition back to this lifestyle is being tough enough without running out of money & it being right smack in the middle of the holidays.

I'm still at 290, which is understandable.

I miss the way I had such freedom last time. Just knowing that if it wasn't raw, I couldn't eat it, that's it, no question. And the rest of my family was doing the same. My kitchen was a raw kitchen, nothing there to tempt us. Eating raw on special occasions was no big deal for me then. But I'm going to stay positive, and determined, come what may!!! :-)

So far so good!

2009-12-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

I went 100% raw on Friday. Turns out I just didn't want to dibble dabble any longer, so the morning after Thanksgiving I just went for it! So today is day 5, and it's going great!

This time around I'm having to cook for the kids & sometimes the hubby, so that's interesting. I'm only tempted to have some when I let myself get super hungry. But I have resisted, and I'll continue to stay strong! :-) The smells are tough!

It's important to me that we all eat dinner together. That's a challenge now because I'm fixing 3 different meals! The kids don't want anything raw for dinner, Greg has had 2 nights of raw, 1 night of cooked vegan, and 1 night of eating what the kids had so far. I've had smoothies mainly. The smoothies are quick to prepare, but the rest of the family are waiting on me at the table with their food to join them! One night I had a nut pate' and that took a while. I'm hoping that with practice & planning I'll get a routine down & we'll be able to eat together without me getting too stressed!

Because I still have to use the stove & oven this time, I can't use the cover we made for it to sit the dehydrator on. I think we're going to give away our 10 gallon fish tank to make a spot for it. We'll miss our fishies, but Greg & I have gone over the kitchen several times & there's just no more room. And I hate that there's a $300 Excaliber dehydrator sitting in our closet while I'm wondering what else I can eat!!! I need to get some yummy variety going, and the dehydrator really helps with that. I know it will help Greg stay high raw also, he loved the dehydrator goodies. Dehydrating raw recipes at under 118 degrees, keeps the enzymes alive & "raw"! I had a chocolate cracker recipe that Greg loved, & he's waiting to have again! I also had a marinated broccoli dish in a sweet & spicy asian sauce that I can't wait to enjoy!!! The dehydrator gets the broccoli slightly softened & warm. Yum!

For now, I'm mostly having LOTS of green smoothies, a salad or two, and fruit. :-)

Oh, I almost forgot! We tried a raw restaurant on Sunday that Greg & really enjoyed! The kids didn't like it even one little bit though. Not sure how often we'll be able to afford it, but glad to know it's close & yummy! Our favorite raw restaurant is about 45 minutes away. It's been so long since we've been there. I'm amazed at how blessed we are to have 2 raw restaurants so close to us!!!

Today will be interesting, as I have several errands to run & would typically be going to a drive thru for me & the kids for lunch. I guess I'll still do that for them, but I'll have to stay strong & just deal with the hungries! I can do it!

So far, God has answered my prayers once again & taken away the insane junk food cravings that were tormenting me. I am SO thankful for that & I'm not messing that up by eating any of it!!!!

Today I weighed in at 290, so that's 8 pounds released & 125 to go!

Quick update!

2009-11-25T18:25:00.000-08:00

So, I'm just going to type out a few stats real quick, before I lose track of them! :)

I got brave & weighed myself on Sunday, Nov 22 & it was 298. I was very suprised that it wasn't higher!

Today, Nov 25, it's 295. My goal is 165, so I need to lose 130 pounds.

Monday I had a green smoothie for breakfast & a raw lunch of cucumbers, avocado, yellow bell pepper, tomato, garlic, sea salt & tiny drizzle of olive oil. For dinner I had salad at a buffet restaurant, where I also had chicken pot pie soup & dessert. This dessert was one of those things I really wanted to have before going raw again, so that's why we went there.

On Tuesday I started 95% raw, all vegan, no sugar, plenty of green smoothies. Still doing that today.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'll see how it goes. I'm not going to pressure myself, but I'm not going to create a slippery slope for myself either. Greg is being very supportive, and eating about the same as I am, with a little meat thrown in here & there.

In a few days, I'll be going 100% raw vegan. YAY!

Just a matter of time

2009-11-18T14:47:00.000-08:00

Like I've been saying for a while... I'm coming to place, where I feel the need to return to raw.

I know, I've been saying it for too long. It's about time I actually arrive at that place & make that change!

The place where I find myself now is the point where I feel like I want to feel better, more than I want to taste a certain food. That tipping point where the health & the shape & the size feel more important than the instant gratification of whatever it is I'm craving at the moment. It's sad that I have to get so big, and so unhealthy, to reach that tipping point.

I don't *know* that I'm unhealthy, I have no actual health probelms, or diagnosis. BUT, I am so out of shape & get out of breath easily. Diabetes runs in my family something fierce, as does cancer. So, I kind of think of all those illnesses in terms of when, not if. The raw lifestyle might change that reality though.

I think I'm right around 300 pounds. I'm a little concerned about knowing for sure. I'm worried that if I see that number on the scale something might break inside. I saw the scale go to 299 when I was at the end of my second pregnancy. But never saw it go over that. Maybe it would be a good thing to see it? Maybe it would kick my arse into the gear it needs to get into?!

I'm completely addicted to junk again, I haven't had a glass of water in weeks. A glass of water folks!!!! It makes me wonder who the heck I am. How can I know all the things I know & make those kinds of choices. I've been drinking soda like I'll never be able to have it again! And candy bars (Twix to be exact), coffee, mexican food, drive thru lunches. It's just gross. There were lines I said I wouldn't cross when I went back to cooked foods. I did ok with that for a few weeks. But it seems like as soon as I broke that promise to myself, probably the first soda I drank, it was all over. I dove off the cliff. The amount of weight I've gained since Easter 2008 is crazy!

When I began my raw journey August 13, 2007 I was 265, so I'm starting this way above where I started before. What else is different this time? Well, I said over & over back then how thankful I was that my family was on board. That I couldn't imagine doing it without them. Now we'll see just how I do it. Greg wants to eat healthier, but has no desire to go 100% raw again. My kids will certainly eat healthier as I eat healthier, but they aren't going to sweetly comply to eat all raw again either! So, now I'll see what it's like to eat raw but still cook, and still smell the foods I crave while I stand firm and choose not to eat them. Exercise is going to be different as well. I said a few times, the weight I lost was all diet change, I never did more than take a liesurely walk now & then. I wasn't proud of that though! I don't want to be lazy anymore! I would love to give my kids an example of true health. Not just extremes. Extreme laziness is all they've seen from me. :(

I've waited this long because I know me, and I know that I couldn't do this back & forth style. Raw was freedom to me at the time, and going back before I was really ready to surrender, would mean going off & on, failure & success, etc. The raw lifestyle isn't a diet to me, and I couldn't let it become that in my mind. I want my experience to be different, That's what it was back in 2007/2008, and I don't want to mess it up. If I do, I'll see it in my mind like any other diet & I will not succeed. I just know myself well enough to know that. So yea, I've waited too long, but I'm sure there's a reason. Because all this time, since I fell down that slippery slope during my pregnancy with Quinn, I KNEW I would be back. But I also knew it had to be right when I came back.

I lost 85 pounds in 7 months of 100% raw. I've gained 115 pounds in 19 months since then. So, now I need to lose 150 pounds.

I know this post seems rambly. I guess I'm trying to throw all of these random thoughts together, and perhaps they're not very cohesive! Sorry about that!

As soon as I get my VitaMix back (it's on loan to someone who really does need it more than me, believe it or not) I'm back in the Radiantly Raw life guys. I'm anxious, I'm nervous, and I'm a little bit excited. :)

A photo

2009-04-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

Easter photo 2009

Spring has sprung!

2009-03-27T15:54:00.001-07:00

We're doing okay around here! Quinn is doing great!

We're about to go on our vacation next week. I've been getting things in order to be gone for 9 or 10 days! This will be our first road trip with a baby!! We're very excited!!

I can feel myself coming to a place where I've got to get a handle on this food / weight thing. I feel like I went off the deep end months ago, and I'm finally coming to the surface, gasping for air & being hit with the reality of just how far down I am. Yuck.

It was Good Friday last year when I prayerfully stopped my 7 month long 100% raw diet. If you remember, I did that with a LOT of dread. All my fears have come to pass. I didn't focus on those fears, I just went with the flow, but here's where the flow has brought me! I think the past year has been strange. So many things were absolutely perfect & so very joyful, but my health has gone downhill, and my weight has risen steadily. It's such a contradiction! I feel a little lost in it all & a bit fuzzy headed about it.

So, I know myself well enough to know that after 10 days of eating out while on vacation I'm going to be quite sick of unhealthy standard American food. So, I'm coming full circle. Last year Easter was the day I started eating meat, sweet tea, etc. This year on Easter I start the road back to health. I'll be careful, since I'm breastfeeding and don't want to detox too drastically for Quinn's sake. But enough is enough & I am WAY past enough. I think at this point I've gained about 90 pounds in the last 12 months.

Christine, thank you for your faithfulness, hun! I honestly don't know if I would update even half as often as I do without a gentle nudge from you now and then!! Isn't that terrible!! Well, see, I don't know how to load photos onto my laptop, and I don't like updating without a picture!! But I saw your comment today & said just do it anyway! Stop putting it off. Christine is going to check in & see that same old post again!!!!! LOL! So I took a webcam shot right on the laptop!! Haha!When Greg gets home I'll have him do the upload so I can replace that first photo with some much better recent photos of my little guy!!

In the meantime, here's a webcam pic from when I first got my laptop last Feb and one taken today. Now, I look REALLY rough today, not even a shower! So you know I'm getting brutally honest with myself if I'm posting this photo!!!! Time to pull my head out of the sand and take a long hard look at what I've done to myself! That's not as easy as it sounds.

Where am I now?

2009-01-13T19:39:00.001-08:00

Here's my little 2 month old! :o) Oh, he's so precious!!! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life has been hectic! Quinn is delightful, and a really good little guy! He's amazingly low maintenance and pretty laid back. :o) But with home schooling and trying to get stuff done during his naps, time just flies by. I'm lucky to get a shower every other day! Ha! Wow, I can't even believe it's been two months!

I have not gone back to raw. It makes me very sad, but I guess I was so sick when I left the raw path that even thinking about those types of foods makes me feel ill even now. The only thing that sounds good are green smoothies (but I haven't made one, it just sounds like I might be able to stomach it), cantaloupe, watermelon, and pineapple. :o( I feel absolutely no conviction at all about going back to raw. That surprises me! I thought I would jump right back into it. ???

Besides life being busy, I haven't really wanted to put myself out here again given my current weight & un-rawness. I mean, I'm far from radiantly raw right now! So I guess I've been hiding in a way. Taking the easy way out and just avoiding my blog.

I gained a LOT of weight during the pregnancy, and now, with Quinn being 9 weeks old today, I feel like I can talk about my disappointment with that. I truly don't want to take away from the bliss I feel from his birth, and from the pregnancy in general though. I'm so incredibly blessed and feel so much gratitude! However, I just feel like the weight thing was out of my control, and I didn't like feeling that way. I didn't like worrying about it during the pregnancy. I didn't go overboard, but the weight just came back steadily regardless.

None of my shirts fit me at all! I've been staying home because I gave away all of my larger sized clothes as I lost weight because I was determined to never be back at this size!

I currently weigh 260 pounds. That's only 5 pounds shy of when I started my raw journey. :o( I fit perfectly into my "before" pants in my pictures. Ugh. Greg weighs 218. There are no words to express how I feel about this. Just... well, no words.... Thinking about it makes me really sad. Not thinking about it makes me feel like I'm in denial and not being fully present.

I've been praying about where to go from here. I want to be healthy, and I felt better when I was thinner. And I want to make sure that I haven't undone the healing that was done in my body during my 7 months raw. I never did get to my goal weight, but I felt better at 185 than I do right now. I just don't want to be obsessed with it. I have this great little guy to enjoy, and they're only tiny & squishy once! I want to focus on my kids, and enjoy them- not worry about food all day long. But, I don't want to just stay at this level either.

Anyway, there's my story. Thank you for keeping up with my life! I'm really hoping I get a clue soon about what's next!

Quinn has arrived!!

2008-11-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

He's here!!! He was born yesterday at 2:57pm. :o) We're both doing great!!

He was delivered in route to the birth center! In the front passenger seat of our minivan!!! We were on our way to to our midwife to continue laboring until I was ready to head to the hospital, where I had to be in order to be allowed to attempt a VBAC. Less than 3 hours earlier I was only 1-2 cm dilated! But he had other plans. Lol! It was an incredibly peaceful entrance, no one panicked, and he was so perfect! Greg couldn't even pull over, or stop!

I'm thrilled that I never had to go to the hospital at all! Any "risk" from vbac'ing was gone already and we got to stay at the birth center!

We were home 3 hours later & we're doing so well. I can't believe how perfectly it turned out after all. :o) He was 9 lbs 3 ounces. And I never pushed at all, my body took over and I was just along for the ride! What an experience!

So, I had a successful VBAC, my first unmedicated birth, delivered him myself, and got to be at the birth center!!!!! Words cannot describe our joy & gratitude about it all. God's plans are amazing. I am in awe of how He worked it all out! He granted me the desires of my heart in every single way. :o)

Counting down to meeting our newest addition!

2008-10-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

So, 2 weeks or less!! The due date is Nov 7, but my youngest daughter came 2 weeks early out of the blue, so it could be any time really!! I sure would love to have prayers, we're going for a vaginal birth after cesarean this time, and we believe it will go perfectly!!!

It's a busy time of year for us! I see the chiropractor (finally) on Wednesday, Halloween is Friday, and my youngest daughter turns 4 on Saturday! I'll be thrilled if Quinn waits until after Saturday to make his appearance! ;o) But, we all are so excited to meet him & it'll be exciting to see how it all goes!!!

A peek at me!

2008-07-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for the well wishes!!! :o)

Here I am today at 22 weeks along, over half way there!!

Take an early look at the little one!

2008-07-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share an ultrasound photo! I'm over half way through the pregnancy & finally feeling good most of the time!! It was a sick few months, but I'll take the good & the bad though. I truly love being a part of the miracle of life! It's such an amazing blessing!! So, if anyone still checks in here, thank you for your thoughts, prayers & support. Please take a look at our third child & our first son- Quinn Matthew. :o) We're already in love with the little guy!!!!

Sorry I went missing!!

2008-05-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

I didn't mean to leave ya'll hanging! I'm so sorry, I just haven't checked in lately. I've still been pretty ill. The morning noon & night sickness didn't go away at 13 weeks like it did with my girls. Go figure!! I'm still throwing up even. That's alright, it could be a lot worse. Anyway, being online seems to make me even sicker, plus it gives me a headache. Sort of like being sea sick. Thanks so much to those checking in on me, I really apologize for being MIA and causing worry!!

How are things going?

2008-04-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

Things are going well. :o) The thought of certain raw fruits are not as repulsive as they were. Like grapes, strawberries, and cantaloupe. I knew my body would come back around! I feel like I could be ready to try a green smoothie sometime soon as well, just not yet.

I began taking FloraVital iron supplement (the yeast free version of Floradix) last Saturday. After one week & 2 days I'm surprised at how much the dizziness and weakness has subsided! That didn't go away when I started eating cooked foods. I did not have any blood tests, so I don't know for certain that I was anemic, but several rawbies that I trust mentioned a strong correlation between morning sickness and anemia. I have a history of being anemic, so I felt prompted to get that supplement.

I also realized just 3 days ago that if I eat something with protein every three hours I can really cut down on the severe nausea. I still feel generally nauseas most of the time, but if I let myself get hungry, I have to go lay down, or sit down & I'm just done. I get very weak & feel like I can't stand. At that point, I pretty much have to wait for food to be brought to me! How ridiculous! But really, I feel like I just can't do anything at that point. It would almost be better if I actually threw up at these times, if that would help me feel better long enough to make some food! I'm glad I figured out the three hour thing, now I can stay on top of it. The past couple of weeks if we're all out at church functions, or shopping, etc I'll look at Greg and say "I'm getting hungry" and he immediately goes into food find mode! He knows what's coming! Lol. Now, finding snacks & meals with that much protein (that sounds appetizing) is a challenge. Especially on our budget!!

I have had an unbelievable appetite as well. I'm not sure if I mentioned that in my last post. But for my 7 months raw I had a very small appetite. My very first cooked meal, that baked potato that I had- I ate the entire thing (it was huge) and could have eaten more. After 4 days of not being able to keep anything but apple & watermelon down that really surprised me. I would have thought my stomach had shrunk a bit while eating raw. But since that very first cooked meal, I've been eating normal portions in one sitting & sometimes getting more. It's shocking to me. Really. I haven't "overdone" it, but it just surprises me after going so long on such light food.

I know I've gained weight these last couple weeks. I'm trying hard not to let that bother me. When I was pregnant with my girls I didn't let weight gain or loss get to me. But I was very overweight through both of those pregnancies. At least 250 pounds. What I felt back then was that my body was finally doing something right, something amazing! And there weren't many size or shape changes early on because of all the extra weight I was carrying. This time, I find myself very preoccupied with my shape and size. I've gotten very bloated I've gained 10 pounds! It's also my third baby, so I know I've started showing already, but it's mostly bloat. And maybe some of that 10 pounds is water weight. I need to not dwell on it. It's truly is a new experience for me though, actually finding myself concerned about this during pregnancy, and seeing changes so early on!

It seems to be part of an identity crisis I'm experiencing. It's not a true "crisis", just an odd thing to be going through. I'll just spill this out real quick- In the past three months or so my hair has really changed. I've lost about half of it. I always had super thick hair. It sounds silly, but I don't really feel like me without my hair! It seemed to happen when I died it darker. I had been getting highlights to hide my gray hairs and I couldn't afford that anymore. Since using the die from the box, my hair has gradually gotten very thin & the ends are frizzy & curly. So odd. I don't know if the die did it, the rapid weight loss (which seemed steady and safe honestly), or if it could be a deficiency. It's not the pregnancy, since it started before that, but it might make it worse.

Also, the weight loss itself seemed so out of my control. I never exercised, so I didn't make an effort to work on a certain area. Where the weight came off and when was anyone's guess. The last 11 pounds that I lost, when I had the flu, made a bigger difference than you would think. All of the sudden, several places were really saggy. And my knees were bony enough that I had to sleep with a pillow between them. I was waking myself up all night when them knocking each other, it hurt! My dad said he no longer recognized me, even though he sees me weekly and saw the weigh come off gradually. My face looked, and still looks different than it ever has. I'm sure this happens to women who've been overweight for a decade or more. Especially since my early adulthood was spent obese. Everyone looks different in their 30's than form when they were in high school. The last time I was a normal weight was high school.

But anyway- I had been obese & morbidly obese for years. I'm 32 and I was larger than I am now on my wedding day 12 years ago. So that was pretty much my mental size & shape. You know, how you can be very large but when you imagine yourself, or even dream sometimes, you're still small? I had kind of moved past that. Which means my current, still overweight, but no longer morbidly obese body is the new image to get used to. I started eating cooked foods on a Friday. The next day we went to a restaurant for vegetarian burritos. When we got home I literally just sat and stared at myself in the mirror for several minutes. Greg asked what was going on. And it was like, I am this new person- a raw vegan. So different than I was. And I had just taken this new person to a place the old person would have gone to. The new person didn't drink soda, or the huge meaty burrito, but it still created this weird identity issue. I'm still dealing with it obviously, with the hair, the face, the saggy skin, and now the shape changes. I just don't feel like me. I think prayer is the best way to resolve it. I just need to find some quiet time to get still and talk this over with God, you know?!

Well, I really rambled on there!! I hope I made sense, this is new to me & a little hard to explain! Time to go eat... again!

Not so raw for now...

2008-03-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your comments of support, encouragement & suggestions last week everyone. After much prayer & way too much thought, I started eating cooked foods last Friday afternoon. And I've been feeling much better. Not 100% better, of course, but I've been keeping food down since I started eating the cooked foods. I've had mostly vegetarian bean burritos & the baked potatoes I was craving. There hasn't been one thing that I've eaten that hasn't agreed with me, or has made me sicker. I was so worried about that! I still get nauseas, but there's something that sounds good, I can eat, and it stays down. I still can't even think about raw foods or green smoothies yet. I know it will come though, I just can't push it or it will take longer to get back to the raw foods.

I asked Greg to pray, and to ask to be released from the raw food conviction as well. At first, I thought that it was wonderful that he was willing to stay raw. But then it felt like a division, a lack of unity in the family. My kids would have been even more confused. He prayed about it for a bit, because like me, he doesn't want to be disobedient to God. Eventually he felt a peace about it & joined me in a bean & rice burrito. He hasn't gotten sick either. He's still eating raw most of the day while at work.

There are lines we will not cross, like overly processed foods, junk foods, or fast foods. We have no desire at all to eat those things. If we did, we still wouldn't eat them, it would be a terrible example to our girls. No ketchup on anything, no soda, no sugar, fried foods, no desserts, I'm sure there are more. I've done my best to explain to our girls why there have been changes recently. And we take opportunities when ordering at restaurants to talk about why we chose a sweet potato instead of fries as a side, or why we drink water as opposed to soda. I think that helps them 'get it'. I don't want them to think that just because we've introduced some cooked foods into our daily routines that all the healthy stuff flies out the window. Because when we used to eat cooked foods, that meant major junk foods. This is new territory!! They love the new variety of foods. I've never seen a 6 & 3 year old so excited to have a baked potato! My goodness.

I'm one of those women that absolutely love being pregnant, even through the morning sickness. The worry & extreme emotional distress of last week was robbing me of my joy! I wanted so badly to do the right thing. And I believe I did. I also believe that I'll be raw again soon, I am not who I used to be. Cooked food doesn't control me anymore & I needed to trust myself & God enough to see that. Thank you to those that pointed that out to me. Yall's support means more than I can say! I love you all, thank you so much!

Raw food crisis

2008-03-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

Not to be too dramatic, but this has been the worst week of my raw food life!

The morning, noon, & night sickness has kicked in & every raw food that I've consumed in the last 7 months now disgusts me. :o( I've thrown up only twice, but I can't eat much at all regardless. Tuesday I couldn't keep anything down at all. And all I ate was a young coconut & an orange!! Yesterday I was able to keep down 1 apple and some watermelon. Today I've had an apple.

I had morning sickness this bad with my first pregnancy (except I could keep more food down & had more options that sounded appealing), but not as bad with my second. I'm spending most of the day in bed, too weak to do anything. It's lasting all day & all night & it's complete with dizziness, headaches, and nausea. My poor kids! It's very difficult to even type this up. I had truly convinced myself that I wouldn't have it this time! I had psyched myself out, really! I was so arrogant and thought that 7 months raw would mean I wouldn't have any morning sickness!! That's ok though, positive thinking can't hurt, and hey- no one can tell me it's a mental thing! I also convinced myself that there's no way I'd not be 100% raw throughout this pregnancy!

So, most of you know that I'm raw because of a spiritual conviction, and I'm really conflicted about what to do now. It's tearing me up guys & I don't think I can even explain in writing how distraught I am. I'm promise I'm not being a drama queen, although I'm sure I am very hormonal. I've spent a lot of today in tears over food. Ridiculous! I've cried because I want the foods that sustained me though my other 2 successful pregnancies, like cheese pizza from my fave restaurant, my all time favorite pregnancy meal- a huge baked potato with butter, sour cream, cheddar, and salsa. I also want nachos & burritos and sushi (not the raw kind). :o(

This is what's going through my head while lying in bed and being overwhelmed with waves of nausea morning to night! And I keep praying, thanking God for this little miracle, such a blessing! I also pray for guidance though. This is way more than cravings, I've had intense cravings while pregnant, and this is way more than that! I'm not sure whether these are cravings on steroids, spiritual attack, or time to take a different approach. ????? No answer yet. I'm trying to be still and be patient.

I'm an extremist. It's all or nothing. Several times I've admired and praised other raw foodists for the way they have such a healthy balanced approach to this lifestyle. Like, staying raw 90% of the time, but eating with family with no bad feelings about it. They're able to just go with the flow, and it doesn't send them into a tailspin. But for me, eating any cooked wouldn't just be a very slippery slope, it would be a landslide! I don't see how pregnancy changes that?! I aspire to get to a healthy place where food no longer holds that addictive quality for me & I could easily and effortlessly just eat a bit of cooked and stay high raw. I'm just not sure I'm there. I doubt that I'm there.

On the other hand, I do not want to be so dogmatic about this lifestyle that I end up being prideful or stubborn about it. At the expense of my health & the baby's. I'm not able to eat the raw foods right now, and for some reason eating cooked sounds like it will settle my stomach. So, even though the food would be cooked, it would be nourishment! It might just be in my head though. No guarantee that a vegan burrito, or potato with salsa wouldn't make me even sicker.

I've seen several raw foodists open that door though & regret it tremendously. It seems once you walk away from raw, it's incredibly difficult to go back for a lot of people. Greg said he would stay 100% raw even if I don't, so that we wouldn't go downhill from here. I think it's amazing that he's willing to do that. But it feels very unfair since this journey has been much harder for him than it has been for me.

Also, there's the miscarriage fear. I never had any morning sickness last year when I experienced the miscarriages, so this is actually a great sign, being so sick. But if I were to not be 100% raw anymore and, God forbid, something bad happened- I would blame myself, lets be honest.

Yes, I'm praying, but I just don't have a peace either way about this. I really feel a bit lost, and desperate. Not a good place to be when making a big decision.

7 months raw!

2008-03-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, 7 months already?! I'm actually posting this the night before 7 months raw, because I may be without internet the 13th through the 17th. I didn't want to not have the blog updated though!!

So, things have been kind of tough around here. Since we had the flu, most foods don't really sound good to Greg. It's been hard to go through. It brings up all of those feelings of just wanting to be normal & eat with everyone else. We would be watching TV and I could just see the pain on his face at the sight of Outback commercials and Hardee's burgers. It's not always easy, that's for sure. Two Saturday's ago I was running errands all around town with my girls. I just kept wishing, with an unexpected sadness, that I could stop somewhere and have a normal lunch with them at a restaurant. It would be special, and so typical. That feeling lasted a few days actually, like I was mourning it all over again. I almost cried at an Arby's reuben commercial. :o(

We've stuck through it though. And found out that we love the kale salad in Alissa's recipe book. I've fixed that salad about 10 times in 7 days!! When the salad doesn't appeal to us as much anymore, who knows what we'll go to next. Maybe good ole fresh fruits will sound good again? Being tired of the foods or finding them unappetizing can't last forever right?

I'm still having a green smoothie each day, I know they're so good for us. The kids have a decent glass of it as well. Greg got burnt out on them though, for now. It's really tough to keep him happy. He didn't enjoy the dinner I made last night. It's disappointing, when that happens since of course I want him to enjoy the meals that I prepare. I guess I was lucky when we ate cooked foods, he liked almost everything I cooked. Wish I had the same streak of success with raw! Lol. I know it's frustrating for him as well, he's tired of not enjoying meals & wonders what he should eat. I think he would be happier with more variety. Trying out a lot of recipes isn't really in our budget unfortunately.

So Greg is still at 157. He got down to 155 during the past month, but with all the kale salads (there's avocado in it) he put 3 pounds back on & is very happy with that. I'm happy I finally found a way to get avocados into him!! He told me last night that he's finally ready to exercise!! Yay! So he opted not to take a photo this month since he's reached the finish line. :o) I've posted a photo of his start & finish though!!! Take a look at the before, 8/12/07 and his after 2/12/08 with 83 pounds released total! Isn't he amazing!?! I'm SO incredibly proud of him!! He's still 100% raw, he seems really happy with his weight & now he wants to exercise and bulk up a bit (oh, and find some foods he just loves).

I now weigh 185 pounds, that's 84 pounds released in 7 months!! I released 10 pounds in the past month! Actually, while I had the flu I released 11 pounds in only 6 days. Yikes. So I just gained a pound back & have stayed there. And it feels great!!! That's 111 pounds lost since my highest weight in Jan 2006!

I went ahead and measured, I'm sorry I forgot to do it last month. So the inches lost over the past 2 months are: 7.5! Now that doesn't seem all that impressive. But, amazingly, that means that in 7 months I have lost an even 60 inches!!! Let me elaborate a bit. :o) I've lost 2 inches in my neck since I started raw, 8 inches in my bust, 1.5 inches in each of my upper arms (yay!), 9.5 inches in my waist, and 10 inches in my hips!!! Wow!

I finally got a pair of size 14 jeans!! Yippee! A milestone! So you'll see in the newest photo that they fit much better than the size 20's I was still wearing! Lol! I still can't seem to lose this belly, upper or lower. It's smaller, but still out of proportion. And now I'll be growing a belly in a whole new way. ;o) Who knows if it will ever be trim and fit?! I keep having to buy XL shirts because of my upper arms and upper belly, but the shirts are too lose in the shoulders. I'm not complaining though, I'll take whatever I can get. I abused my body for a very long time & it's going to take a while to get it where it should be. Some things will take longer than others, and I am so thrilled with the great results I've had in the last 7 months. Now, what in the world will my shape & size do during the next 9 months? I can't wait to find out!! I've never gone through a pregnancy below 250 pounds before!

This is such an interesting time! Greg's done with his weight loss & I might be as well for the next 8 months! I say 'might' because I lost weight during my first pregnancy, so I might not gain a bunch with this one since I'm still overweight, and I'm 100% raw. Who knows?! You can be sure I will document it here though!! I've loved sharing all of this with you guys these past 7 months & I'm so excited to continue sharing this journey with you all!!! :o)

6 months RAW!!!!

2008-03-05T07:35:00.000-08:00

I was finally able to sit down at the computer, figure out where the photos went, and get them all sorted out & ready! The way we save photos to our computer changed & I'm not as tech savvy as Greg, so it was a small challenge! LOL!

So, on 2/13/08 when these photos were taken, Greg weighed in at 157 pounds! That's 8 more pounds released in the past month!!! His size 34 pants are super baggy now, so we need to go shopping! He's already past his goal weight also.

I weighed in at 195 releasing a total of 6 pounds in one month. That's a 4 pound gain from my low of 191 at the end of the juice fast. Not too bad after a fast, but I thought I would release more during a month!! I completely forgot to take measurements. :o( Please forgive me!!!!! But honestly, there wasn't much of a change, as you can see in the pictures. The biggest change I see was darkening my hair back to my natural color! LOL!

Here are the photos!!

I just thought that was the most excellent news!!!!

2008-03-03T12:18:00.001-08:00

We got a positive pregnancy test Sunday morning!!! Praise God!! We're so beyond thrilled!!! I don't even have the words to express our joy!! We're due Nov. 7th. :o)

Most excellent news!!

2008-02-27T20:11:00.000-08:00

I know I still need to update with the 6 month photos, but I just had time to add this, so it'll have to do for now!

If you haven't been reading my blog for the past 6 months & don't know about my miscarriages last year, you might want to go read my very first entry. That way you'll know what I'm talking about!!

During my 22 day juice fast, my main prayer was about pregnancy. I prayed that God would show us when to start trying again. And of course I pray that He will bless us with a successful pregnancy & that I'll never have another miscarriage. After going through the second miscarriage last year, we had intentionally not been allowing pregnancy to be a possibility. Now, this goes against our personal spiritual beliefs. Both of my daughters were planned. My pregnancies last year were surprises. It was lovely to not plan it all out, but, we felt like until whatever was wrong with me was fixed, it would be reckless to get pregnant again. The doctors said I most likely had a polyp, and it would require a saline ultrasound to diagnose it, and then a procedure to remove it.

Back to my 22 day fast... So I prayed that God would guide us, since a decision would have to be made to start trying again, or at least stop preventing, at the very least. Also, at one of the prayer meetings at the church that did the 22 day fast they had prayers for healing. I stood up, and I believed that I was healed, once and for all. The next week, they asked again for anyone who needed healing to come forward. For a split second I considered going. And then I heard in my mind: You're already healed. And in that moment I was so confident of that!

As soon as my fast ended, the very next day, Jan 31st, I told Greg that I had an incredible peace about trying right away, the next cycle. Our new health insurance was about to kick in Feb 1st, and my cycle was just starting.

4 days later my sister found out she was unexpectedly pregnant! Of course I was happy for her, but I was also attacked with the strangest doubts suddenly. It seemed like the enemy was filling my head with thoughts such as "you'll never have another successful pregnancy" and "God isn't going to bless you like that." I really prayed about this and struggled with these feelings. It totally caught me off guard that a blessing for someone else would cause me to doubt something that I had just felt such a peace and confidence about!! Of course, the enemy never attacks us in the way we think he will. It's always the last thing we expect. I was so confused! So, I talked with my friends about it, and my sister. I prayed for days.

That was one emotionally draining week! So draining that I had mentioned to Greg and my sister that I just didn't think I could have all these feelings resolved in time to try this month. I wanted to be completely at peace, and I wanted to be checked out by an OB for confirmation! I wanted to make sure we were doing things in His perfect timing, by His guidance. I wanted it all to be peaceful & perfect. When things didn't seem to be going that way, I was ready to wait longer. There's no way I want to be out of God's timing if I can help it!

By one week later, I felt like I was getting a grip on it all. On Tues Feb 12th, I felt this overwhelming need to surrender. To accept the blessings I have as enough. I had to accept that what I have is just right, perfect even. Not to mention of course that I don't even deserve the blessings that I have! I just knew, in my heart, that I must say to God, "I surrender. If you don't want me to have any more children, I will praise you anyway, love you anyway, and thank you for what I do have." It sounds silly, but this was a hard thing for me to say & mean it. I never take my blessings for granted, really. But I want more babies, and that's a strong feeling for me. I was having a terrible time accepting the idea that I might be done with pregnancies. It's so odd to me how when something is not in our control anyway, we have such a hard time admitting that! It's not like I could ever have more babies without it being in His plan, yet, I didn't want to take no for an answer. So I took something He already controls, and 'let' Him have control over it again. So ridiculous, and yet so human and normal. But, He honors that, cause I've done in other areas of my life & seen amazing blessings after 'giving' it back to Him. Thank you God for your grace & mercy!!

Of course, as soon as as I said those words of surrender, I felt such a peace again about trying this month (and just in time).

I called my OB the next day (our 6 month raw anniversary day!) and asked to get a saline ultrasound. Unbelievably, they had an opening the very next day, Valentine's Day! I asked them if they had anything later in the month- because I had resolved that there was no way I was going to be able to try in Feb, and to hear I needed to come in the next day just sounded crazy to me! They didn't have any other openings for Feb. WOW!

On the way to the appointment the song Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns came on the radio. Maybe you you know it, but I've heard it a hundred times & it spoke to me much differently that morning. You know how the enemy had been telling me since my sister's good news that I wasn't going be pregnant ever again, etc. Here are a few lyrics of the song:
"But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth"

The glory part - I had always said that, that whatever was wrong with me was being healed this past 6 months & it was going to be for His glory somehow. I felt very comforted by that song at that moment, and was in tears.

So, first the ultrasound tech did a normal internal ultrasound. And she said things still looked weird to her, and left to get the OB so we could move on to the saline part of the exam. I prayed and told God that I knew everything was alright. No matter what, I knew He was in control & everything was ok. That I believed I was healed. As I was saying this prayer, I had my hand lifted up slightly, because I truly could feel Jesus with me right then and there in that room, holding my hand. I was so calm & felt such peace!

So, the OB came in and did the saline part. They put the saline solution through a tiny catheter inside to open up the uterus. Then, they can see if a polyp is there because it it's more visible that way. It's not a super comfy procedure, but not super painful either.

Turns out they saw absolutely nothing unusual in the saline ultrasound! Whatever it was that caused my miscarriages last year, is gone! That's nothing short of miraculous folks!! Now, of course, I never had a true diagnosis of a polyp. It was their best guess last year and I didn't have health insurance to be able to get the saline ultrasound back then. We didn't want a true diagnosis anyway, or it would have been a pre-existing condition when I did get health insurance. So it's not a medically documented healing. But I know something was wrong & I know whatever it was, it's gone! I know it was healed over these past 6 months of 100% raw foods! When they left the room I literally jumped up and down praising God! And saying Happy 6 month Anniversary & Happy Valentine's Day!! :o)

Oh, and they could tell that the egg hadn't released yet & gave me an idea of when to try (which was the next 2 or 3 days, which is when I had originally planned to try anyhow back 2 weeks before)! I was so thrilled that it was all good news! And so very thankful.

Just a few days before the exam, I was saying how there was no way God could resolve all these issues in one short week, because I had already estimated that we needed to be trying for baby from the 15th to the 17th. And each day of the week He worked something else out for me. Even the ultrasound appointment! Amazing!!

I'm in awe, once again. It all happened in precise timing! Then, Sunday I was sick as a dog, no more trying for baby! There was a window, and that's all we had. It was perfect! And if I don't get pregnant yet (should know in a few days), I'm going to be ok with that. I've made my mind up. ;o)

God gave me a peace about when to start trying. The enemy tried to get me out of God's timing, and while I was ready to wait if God said so, I just prayed even more fervently about it all! And the Lord worked it all out. We ended up going forward in His timing after all. Even when it seemed like there was no way it would all work out in time!

I know this ended up being a very long entry! But I hope everyone realizes how monumental this is for us! I just can't even find enough words to describe how important it all is. Praise God!!

Many apologies for the delay

2008-02-19T14:10:00.000-08:00

Where to begin?! Well, just in time for our 6 month raw anniversary, our internet connection was down for 2 days! That figures!!

Then, I got very sick and the next morning my youngest daughter got sick as well. We're still ridiculously ill. Fevers, chills, body aches, head aches, nausea, dizziness, extreme exhaustion, coughs, sore throat, and terrible congestion. My youngest hasn't been awake more than 2 hours in 3 days. Today my older daughter has finally come down with it. We caught it from my sister & her kids. The pediatrician told her it sounds like the flu. I don't think I've ever really had the flu before. I'm praying Greg doesn't get it. I don't think anyone could work with this illness, it's completely knocked us out of commission. I'm still in shock at how terrible we feel. My poor sister & her little ones are still feeling bad, so this doesn't go away quickly either, they had it 2 days before I got it.

So, bottom line, I haven't been able to sit here at the computer to update! I get dizzy, weak & nauseas every time I get up, or, well... do anything at all. I forced myself to send 3 emails, do this quick post, and wash a few dishes. That's the most activity I've been able to endure since Sat night!

Anyway, we did weigh in & we did take photos on the 13th. I just need to feel better so I can do the cropping type photo stuff and get it all online. That takes a little while. And to top it all off, I had some wonderful news on the 14th that totally relates to God's power, miracles, the raw lifestyle, improved health, and my very first post on this blog. I wanted so badly to post it right away with the 6 month stats, I mean it was just perfect timing! And then all this! But I'm telling you, it's amazing, truly praiseworthy news, folks! No...I'm not pregnant! ;o)

I figure if I could make myself spend a little time at the computer today, tomorrow should be even better, right?! So, I'll update as soon as possible, and I apologize for the delay!!

Oh, and I don't know how to do the photos from here on out! There's so many now. Any thoughts? Should I keep all the months together at each month's update, or just do a before shot and current shot from here on out? Ideas?

End of the fast!

2008-01-31T10:18:00.000-08:00

So last night was the breaking of our fast! I had only fresh raw juices and water for 22 days, and Greg had days of the same mixed with days of only fruits & veggies. It was interesting to eat last night! After 3 weeks of nothing solid, it was odd! I has soaked prunes, so nothing too delicious! LOL! But I wanted to make sure my digestive system didn't revolt! I also had a bit of warmed miso broth, my first try at that. Today I haven't eaten yet, but I don't usually eat until early afternoon anyway. I plan to take it easy though, I don't want to send my body into shock! I have some more soaked prunes, so I'll start with that & then a simple green smoothie with a smidge of coconut oil. :o) Greg's transition isn't as slow, but he ate during the 22 days! Now he can add in olives & nuts again, as well as raw recipes! :o)

I released 10 pounds during the fast, and I'm cautious too eat many nuts and oils since I don't want to put much of it back on! I just need to take it slowly is all. I'll be back to eating any yummy raw creation I can think of in no time!! So, I did make it below 200 pounds!! WooHoo!! This morning I weighed in at 191! Greg released 5 pounds during the fast, and a bit more at the beginning of the month.

So, the fast itself was amazing! We had extra church services filled with a lot of prayer. It was great. When you sacrifice your flesh (not eating, or giving up something you enjoy) and let your spirit lead, it's really cool! It allows you to really get closer to God and for Him to draw closer to you. It doesn't get any better than that!!

5 months raw!!!!

2008-01-14T20:05:00.001-08:00

Has it really been 5 months already? My goodness. Time flies when you're having fun!! We're feeling great! It's day 6 of our fast. I'm doing a 22 day juice & water fast, Greg is doing 22 days of fasting but he's alternating days of only juices & water with days of only fruits & veggies. So far we've really been enjoying it. Especially on a spiritual level. It's a bonus to know it's great for our health as well!

So, the 5 month stats! Yay!!

Greg now weighs 165 pounds! Woah!! He released 13 pounds this past month. His grand total is 75 pounds released so far in the last 5 months!! :o) He's gone from a size 40 pants to a 34 (which are now getting baggy).

I now weigh 201 pounds - I released 14 pounds this month. My grand total is 68 pounds released in the last 5 months!! :o) I've gone from a size 24 to a size 16! I fit in size XL shirts! I'll never need to shop in the plus size section again!!! I've lost 8 inches this past month for a total of 59 inches total.

Maybe someday soon some of those inches will come from my upper arms! I keep hoping those will change, perhaps that's one of the last things to lose? When I see before and after photos I always check double chins and upper arms. ;o) My neck is looking better than I had thought it would, and I'm thrilled to have a neck now! But the upper arms are a concern!

And I have to mention my weight being 201 pounds! I can't wait to get below 200! I was SO hoping I would do it by 5 months. But I know it's coming soon! In January of 2006 I weighed 296 pounds, so I'm very close to 100 pounds released from my highest weight 2 years ago. WooHoo!

To everyone who's been keeping up with our progress, and sending messages & leaving comments- We both want to say, thank you so much for your encouragement! The support we've received from all of you is incredible & we truly appreciate it!

Here are the photos. I didn't have any shirts that weren't baggy, but it was the best I could do!

2008!

2008-01-08T13:47:00.000-08:00

Wow, where has the time gone? I know I should pop in here more often to update! I apologize to anyone who might be disappointed when they don't see a recent post. I know I feel that way when I peruse the blogs I like! I'm a busy mama though, doing my best!! :o)

So, we made it through the holidays! Or first season of holidays 100% raw. Yay! I t feels like this big accomplishment! LOL! I loved it, but Greg felt sentimental about missing the traditional foods part of celebrations.

I know some members of my family also felt a bit "robbed", like they couldn't fully enjoy times with us because we weren't sharing the same foods. I'm not saying that's right, or wrong. Just being honest. On that same wavelength, Greg said he sometimes feels isolated, like he can't participate in stuff with buddies because so much is centered around food.

For instance, if your a vegetarian, chances are if you go out with your friends, there's an option at the restaurant for you. If your an alcoholic and all your friends want to hang out in a bar, you can order club soda. Not the easiest thing, I'm sure, but the option is there. That's probably a poor example. For us, we can order a salad at a restaurant, but only if we bring our own dressing or just squeeze lemon on it. And we're not at the point of enjoying greens and lemon juice yet. :op So it's not anything spontaneous. Like hanging out after work one night. And it doesn't make anyone feel comfortable when we sit there with an empty place setting. No matter how positive our attitudes are, it makes others feel uncomfortable. Anyway, I just thought Id' throw that out there in the spirit of full disclosure since I haven't put a lot out there about the struggles associated with this lifestyle. Honestly, we haven't had too many struggles, but these issues do come up.

Here's my take. If the people that love us truly love us, and they do- then they enjoy our company, not just the fact that we would all eat the same food. But this year, for the holidays, Greg felt like he would spend way too much time feeling sad about the foods he loved in the past but is choosing not to eat now. So instead of enjoying the festivities, he would be having an inner struggle of why he wants those foods versus why he's chosen not to eat them. Basically, just being a downer and not having much fun himself. Thankfully, I haven't had this struggle. It's like God just took all of that from me, and I thank Him for that. I'm not sure how strong I could be in the face of the temptations if they were still tempting to me. I could have smelled the ham and sweet potatoes and apple pie and not be phased by it. I still can' believe that's true, but it has been so far, praise God! I mean I was addicted folks, really addicted to junk, and just SAD foods in general. I guess the good Lord knew I needed those chains broken so I could succeed at this. I admire Greg so much, because he still wants those foods, even though he was never addicted to them. He's confronted with temptation more than I am on a daily basis, and he's still 100% successful at this! That's amazing! And he'll tell you, it's God that gets the glory for that as well. When Greg is weak, God is stronger! We're doing this in obedience to Him and He has blessed the journey!

Now, don't misunderstand- we had a wonderful holiday season, really. But with it being our first one raw, it was an adjustment. That's all. Still joyful & we really focused on the true reason for the season. It wasn't awful, there were no tears, or hurt feelings. I don't mean to make it sound like that at all. It 's just that the holidays are such a ingrained thing in most of us, since childhood, and this was very different than the past 30 something years!

So next year, I really hope Greg has come to point where he won't feel sad about what he won't be eating. That way we can be with family while they're eating & really enjoy our own food, and enjoy the fellowship!! I'm praying that this happens! And that my girls won't sit there asking for every bit of "junk food" available in front of others who have that look on their face like we're depriving our children of so much just by telling them no, that's not very healthy. Like giving them nasty junk foods is a great thing!? Ugh! But that's a whole 'nuther post! :o) LOL!

Anyway- tomorrow begins our 21 day fast! We attend 2 churches, and one of them does this each year in January! We're so excited to join in!! Amazing things can happen when you're fasting and praying like that! I'm buying an inexpensive juicer tonight in order to make it a true juice fast the raw way!! Our first ever. Lots of church members are fasting on fruits and veggies, but- that's our daily diet! LOL! So smoothie fasting was an idea, but I'd much rather juice fast. I've heard excellent things about it . I kept hoping I could afford the juicer I really want and spent so much time researching. However, I have a $50 budget if I want to actually afford all the produce that would go into the juicer over 21 days!!! Wish us luck! We're expecting miracles!!

So I'll close with the family Christmas pic of this year! Happy New Year everyone!!!! Peace & love to all!
And I'll add a family picture from May 7 2005 for comparison. 2 1/2 years ago, what a difference! I was even larger than when I started the raw food lifestyle 5 months ago. I believe I was around 290 pounds or so. UGH!

The Concert!

2007-12-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I forgot to post about the concert before I posted about the Christmas Party! LOL! We went to the greatest concert I've ever attended last Thursday night. It was awesome!!! And it felt SO great to jump around without being 50 pounds heavier! And my feet never did start hurting. Wow. So we got to see Storyside B, who's local, but now they're big famous stars in the Cristian music scene. We also got to see Sanctus Real, Aaron Shust (LOVE him), and Toby Mac. Seriously, we had the most incredible time!!! It was Toby Mac's Winter Wonder-Slam tour. Greg likes Aarron Shust as well and he's a huge Toby Mac fan. So he was having so much fun! Delaney went with us and knew over half the songs! :o) She had a blast too! They even sang a few Christmas songs!! Here's some pics, although fuzzy since they were taken with the camera phone. ;o)

Here's my lovely little sister and I

Here's Aaron Shust signing an autograph. We were next, so Delaney now has an autographed framed picture of him in the playroom!
And here we are with him!!! He's amazing!
So, bottom line, we got to see 4 wonderful musicians/groups in one night & we were right up front jamming and worshiping God for about 3 hours! It was so awesome!!! I wish we could do something like that every week!

A Christmas party

2007-12-19T11:54:00.000-08:00

Greg had his company Christmas party last night & it was such fun! We got to buy new clothes to get dressy & even posed for pictures when we dropped the girls off at my sister's house! What a blast!! The company Greg works for is just phenomenal! He couldn't ask for a better job, boss, or group of people to work with. It was so amazing to be able to see that first hand last night!

We were able to get a bit of salad from the buffet line & some fresh fruit from the dessert area. When we returned to our seats we saw that they had a special plate of fresh raw vegetables just for the two of us. A huge plate of red, yellow, and green bell pepper spears, yellow squash spears, and zucchini spears, along with carrot sticks, the freshest broccoli I've ever seen and grape tomatoes! It was laid out on an oval plate like fireworks! One plate for each of us! It was gorgeous! And we were so full we couldn't finish it all! The cooked food buffet was very nice, and we could tell it was gourmet, but we didn't feel deprived at all. They were so thoughtful and kind to do that for us! I usually don't like being singled out for anything, but I just put a positive mental spin on it & looked at it the way they intended it. Which of course was as a nice gesture to make sure we felt included. It really was appreciated, let me tell you!!

What else was wonderful is that no one seemed to feel that food was the point of the evening. So many times the celebrations in our society are all about the food. This was really about celebrating and getting to know the spouses of the co-workers and all that. The food was like an afterthought. And I could tell it wasn't just Greg & I that felt that way. Everyone was having a great time & oh yeah, there's food as well. I loved that!!

Did I mention that I wasn't nervous about my size and appearance walking into that group of strangers? Did I mention that I was not the biggest girl there? Did I mention that my shyness was kept reasonably in check and I was more friendly than quiet? Did I mention that I glanced at a mirror at one point and saw myself at a side view and I didn't feel anything? I just glanced at myself and got back to listening to whoever was talking. I didn't dwell on anything bulging out, or start sucking anything in. I didn't think some terrible negative thought about myself. Now, I didn't feel any great thought either (like- oh look at me, aren't I getting cute) I'm not sure I'll ever be like that! Actually, I hope I never get like that. ;o) But I was content to just not have a thought! To concentrate on everything else but myself, positive or negative. I think this paragraph describes a breakthrough ladies & gentlemen!!!!!! Yes indeed! YAY!

Oh, on another note- Greg has a new work wardrobe! He finally had to get new pants. He was wearing a 40 waist all this time & when we went to see what size to buy and he began trying them on, we were shocked to find out he's now a 34 waist! No wonder those pants were looking so baggy! I think he knew he needed new ones, but with money always being tight, he just overlooked it. Whereas I had hand-me-downs around from generous friends & family and I could just try on a new size any time I felt the need. So next, we have to find Greg some new casual pants, like jeans! We did get him a sweater, a long sleeved shirt, and 2 polo shirts. All those can be work or casual. And of course he has one dress up outfit now! ;o)

4 months raw!!!!

2007-12-12T19:26:00.000-08:00

WooHoo! We've been 100% raw 4 months! I'm so excited!

There's not a drastic change this month, but there are differences. It's like our bodies slowed down a little on the weight loss, but changes are still happening. For instance, my clothes fit looser enough to need a smaller size, even though the weight didn't drop dramatically in the last 30 days. And of course we're feeling very healthy! I've been tired lately, which I attribute to not eating nearly enough. I've already begun correcting that!

Greg now weighs 178 pounds, he released 7 pounds this past month for a grand total of 62 pounds so far in 4 months!! :o)
I now weigh 215 pounds and I released 7 pounds this month for a grand total of 54 pounds down so far!! :o) I'm down 5.25 inches during last month for a total of 51 inches!!

We're both filled with gratitude that God brought us to this path and has blessed this journey so abundantly. It's truly amazing, and we're really enjoying this transformation, inside & out. It feels wonderful to be lined up in obedience with what He wants us to be doing!

I also wanted to say that we've had to stop all junk food for the kids. We were letting them eat cheese pizza during parties, and goldfish crackers at church, cake at parties, etc. But, it's gotten very hard to help them understand our conviction while at the same time continually compromising. So, they are allowed to have cooked vegan foods once, sometimes twice a week. So far that's been like a wrap at our health food store each Saturday, and maybe some plain brown rice while there. When we go out on our date night every other Friday night, they have cooked veggies with sea salt. Other than these exceptions, they're all raw. Amazingly, it's been easier to handle it this way, than when they were eating raw mostly and then eating junk here and there. Even our 3 year old hands out any candy they give her in her Sunday School class to other kids. It seems like having the clear guidelines made it simpler for them to get used to! It's been so harmonious, I'm glad we tried it the more relaxed way, but I'm very thankful we've progressed to this instead, as it works much better for our kids!

Another birthday!

2007-12-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

Here's the pics of my oldest daughter's birthday cakes! The first is a raw chocolate torte, which I bought from the closest raw restaurant. It was $60!!! It has some chili powder in it for a very yummy flavor combination. Good thing I made another "cake" though as some folks didn't care for the chili powder. She decorated the torte herself!!
This one is a double recipe of Raw Priestess's brownies shaped into a circle with Erin's store bought frosting times 5, since the recipe is for a tiny amount.
So all the guests said they liked my younger daughter's cake better last month!!!!! What? That torte cost $60! The brownies were quick and easy and not nearly as expensive. But wow. I never expected them to like the strawberry almond one better. I guess I really was the only one who didn't enjoy it! Greg LOVED this birthday much more because he is a chocolate freak!

But my precious 6 year old was happy though & she enjoyed her 2 cakes. ;o) As well as leftovers for 2 more days! So she was NOT disappointed and that was SO important to me. I didn't want to let her down.

And how in the world did she get to be 6 anyway? My heart hurts if I think too long about it. Incredible.

Our first raw Thanksgiving!

2007-11-27T13:50:00.000-08:00

Our breakfast fruit salad. :o) We ate this during the Macy's parade. The ingredients were my oldest daughter's idea, except the pomegranate, that was my addition.
Marinated portabello mushrooms! YUM!
The cranberry salad from Alissa's book p298
Marinated crimini mushrooms for the kids.
Alissa's mock turkey loaf with the sauce on the side. p 393 YUM!
Maraw's southern corn nut dressing. This was everyone's favorite!!
Maraw's pumpkin pie. This was yummier than any cooked pumpkin pie, seriously!

It was a success! Our first holiday without the traditional dead food! Freedom!!!!!

King Vita-Mix!

2007-11-16T11:01:00.000-08:00

I forgot to update about what my surprise was! A Vita-Mix! The king of all blenders, with a motor as powerful as a lawnmower!! I've wanted one for so long. And it was a surprise!

I was going to have to do the 3 payment plan on their website (although I really wanted to order from Alissa's store). So I was going to place that order today for the 5000 model, and was crossing my fingers that it would get here before Thanksgiving.

So Wednesday night my mom called me from Sam's club (where I don't have a membership) and asked if this price for a Vita Mix sounded the same, I said yep, same as Costco (where I do have a membership) and same as the Vita Mix website. Then a light bulb went off- I asked, it's the 4500 model right? She said no, it's the 5000!!!! With the extra dry container at a lower cost as well!!

God bless them, they bought it for me & are letting me make the monthly payments to them instead!! Woo Hoo! By getting it at a lower price and saving the shipping costs they literally saved me over $80 easily. So I won't even have to take 3 months to pay them back, maybe 6 weeks at the longest. The demonstration was only going on till Sunday here- I'm so glad they stopped by Sam's!

I was/am SO excited, I woke up Wednesday & didn't have a Vita Mix & I went to sleep that night having one! WOW! And yes, just the little I've done so far shows me it's well worth the money! I got to put a whole entire peeled orange in my smoothie at lunch yesterday! Incredible! And my almost 6 yr old finally enjoyed a green smoothie! That alone is worth it.

We can let it run for a few minutes and the darn thing is so powerful it will warm up soup without cooking it! Raw warm soup!! I'll be able to get so many of our recipes really smooth finally! And raw ice cream too! I just about killed my food processor making ice cream from frozen bananas. Now it'll be a cinch! So far I've made 5 of the smoothest green smoothies ever, and sesame chocolate mylk! It sounds silly to say that a blender can change your life, so I won't go that far. LOL! But really, this does change a lot for us! We're all excited about it!!

Here are the girls having the sesame chocolate mylk!

3 Months Raw!!

2007-11-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

So it's been 3 months! I'm so excited!! WOW!!!

Let me get right to it: Greg is now 185 pounds. That means he's released 55 pounds!!! :o)

I now weigh 222, which means I've released a total of 47 pounds. In the past month, I'm down 10 more pounds and 13.25 more inches! On with the photos--

I'll have to post more later, it's so late right now it's already tomorrow! My parents brought over a lovely surprise tonight & that's what kept me from posting earlier. I can't wait to tell everyone about it, but it'll have to wait till sunrise!!! :o)

12 weeks!

2007-11-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

We started this journey 12 weeks ago today! It won't be officially 3 months until next Tuesday, but I wanted to check in and give an update! :o) As of Sat I've released 47 pounds. I won't lie, I wish it was melting off faster than that, but how can I complain? I know those are good results for 12 weeks. I just want it gone so badly! Greg's released 52 so far.

I did a 4 day water fast last week. My first time ever! It was amazing- I did it for spiritual reasons, and felt very blessed! However, by the end of it, I was craving cooked food like crazy, for the first time since starting this. I gained perspective though. It's been very easy for me so far, and now I'm reminded of what Greg's experiencing every day. I'm even more impressed with his commitment, and his resolve. My cravings are passing now, and I'm so glad!! It didn't feel fair to do something good for my spirit but have my flesh cry out like that! I guess that's the way it works though.

My youngest daughter's birthday was Thursday! She turned 3. Where does the time go?! We had her little family party Friday evening and I made a strawberry almond cake. I think I liked it the least of everyone. Hopefully they were being honest. I tried to make chocolate "ice cream" as well but forgot to process the cashews first, just threw it all together and processed. So it was chunky. Most folks didn't like that at all. Oh well! Many a baker messed up their first baked cakes right? I can't be too hard on myself! But I really didn't want to let my daughters down. The oldest one turns 6 in 3 weeks, so she's next! Here's pic of the cake...

She & her sister seemed to enjoy it, but I know it could've been better. It also cost about $30 or so in ingredients and I spent 4 hours in the kitchen. I know I need more practice at this! My results are not typical! LOL!

Oh, Halloween! I bet you're wondering how that went. Our girls are used to full blown trick or treating (with 3/4 of the candy disappearing mysteriously during the night, never to be seen again). Well, we decided to go to a church festival, who said they would hand out candy at the end of the night so kids wouldn't be eating it all evening. Sounds good! They did give them a tiny bit of candy early in the night, which my girls gave to their cousins. They knew that at the end of the festival they could choose 2 pieces of candy apiece. They were fine with it. One of the pieces that my oldest chose was a full size Baby Ruth candy bar. I told her that wasn't Halloween sized, and to please just eat about 2 bites. She did, and I've been lazy and haven't thrown the rest away yet, it's up on a shelf. But she hasn't asked for more. I'm so proud of them! They did eat popcorn during the festival, but no hot dogs, or snow cones, etc. We concentrated on it being a fun night, not a candy night. Oh, by the way, that night was day 4 of my water fast. UGH! Those hot dogs smelled divine. YUCK! I knew what was in them, but still!!! I just drank water.... It feels good to know I'm in control though and NOT the food. Freedom!!!

2 Months RAW!!!

2007-10-14T13:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was 2 months raw, 9 weeks tomorrow! I'm excited to post the stats, so I'll get right to it!! Greg now weighs 200 pounds! That's 16 pounds released this month, and 40 pounds total in 2 months! I weigh 232 now, 14 pounds released in the last month, and 37 pounds total in 2 months!!

I'm down 16.5 inches in this past month alone! Including a whole inch just from my neck, which is crazy! Not so much that it's gone, but that it was there - yuck! So that's 32.5 inches so far. :o)

Here are the photos! I couldn't wear the same outfit again (oh darn) because the pants were falling down! So, on to new, smaller clothes- woo hoo!

It feels good, let me tell you! To know that weight is being released, and health is being gained! I just know all sorts of things are healing inside our bodies!

Thank you for reading! And thank you for the support!! :o)

Week 8 & feeling great!

2007-10-09T10:54:00.001-07:00

You know, I just have to praise the Lord for bringing this way of life to us! And He's given us the strength and zeal to stick with it! He has blessed this process & I'm so thankful to Him for that!

I still haven't had any major cravings at all! Greg is having less. That truly feels like a gift to me! If you're not raw, please imagine for a moment giving up all cooked food. Not just junk food, but all meat, all pasta, all bread and even cheese!! It really is a huge thing to do! So many of our celebrations revolve around food, our holidays, childhood memories, good old comfort food. It's amazing how ingrained it is into our lives. To give that up and step away from the norm, is something I never wanted to do! And I know I couldn't be doing it now without God's help. That reassures me that we are on the right path! He's given us such a peace about it all.

Saturday the 13th will be 2 months officially, so I'll check weight and measurements then. But we've still been releasing weight, and feeling better each day!

Friday night we finally got an Excalibur 9 tray dehydrator! Woo hoo! That's THE dehydrator that the experts recommend. Then we spent some time Saturday and Sunday, in between all of our errands and 2 church services, making a cover for the stove. If we didn't do that, we'd have no place to put this huge new appliance! Our small inexpensive dehydrator sits right next to it. I'm so happy with how that turned out! We used MDF cut to fit, rounded the corners facing out, then put a 1x1 on each side of the stove underneath the board to anchor it in place. That way it won't slide around. It's really sturdy, and fits perfectly. I painted it with high gloss paint so it'll be easy to clean. I'll take a picture so you can all see:

I can't wait to make some raw pizza crusts, crackers, and breads! If you use live ingredients, and dehydrate lower than 118 degrees, it's raw! Yum, I can't wait! I'll even be able to make raw cakes or brownies for my daughter's upcoming birthdays! We have many more possibilities available to us now!

The girls have been raw except at church, where they have cheese pizza. This past Saturday they had cake for the first time in 8 weeks, at a friend's birthday party. Wow, it took 2 more days for them to get that out of their system. I knew they were acting better since going raw, but having all of that processed stuff and sugar in them showed me just how much better they had been! And they were never bad, but suddenly they had meltdowns, and behavior issues Saturday afternoon, Sunday & finally starting getting back to themselves Monday afternoon! Amazing! Thank goodness they didn't have soda!!! They stuck with water, since I asked them to. Weekends like that are just going to be part of life though. I don't want them to feel like outsiders at their friend's parties. It doesn't happen all the time, anyway. During other events, they've been super about making healthy choices. Delaney apologized to me about the cake during the party while eating her cupcake. I told her not be sorry at all, to enjoy her food. It was her choice to eat that, and I was proud of her for all the great healthy choices she makes the rest of the time. I mean, if she's going to eat something else, at least enjoy it. The LAST thing I want to do is have them associating food with any feelings other than health & un-health. Like guilt, or deprivation. I've dealt with so many issues with food. I want to avoid that with my daughter's - not create it. I pray that never happens.

I'm feeling chatty, so I'll tackle another issue we've been discussing as well! Greg feels like there should be more balance with this. He thinks he should be able to eat cooked food and meat sometimes. I don't know how that fits into his conviction that God wants us to eat all raw. I do know how it fits in with mine. It doesn't! I know that God has put it on my heart to be 100% raw vegan, and to disobey that, would lead to problems for my health, and peace of mind. I'm so much more spiritual when the toxins from processed food and cooked food is not coming into my body! Everything is clearer. No mental fog! I also know for a fact that if I started to eat those foods again, even healthy ones, it would turn into a landslide, right back into junk food and no self control. I was addicted, but Greg wasn't. So he's thinking perhaps that's my truth. He's not sure about that for him. I do know that if you're putting those foods into your body, even in small quantities, your body can't cleanse and heal like it is at 100% raw. It also, from what I've read, makes cravings go through the roof. That would be hard for him to handle, since he's battled cravings since week 2. For now he's committed to 100%, and he continues to pray about this question. I know God will lead us in the right direction!

Our results of 1 month raw!

2007-09-26T05:08:00.000-07:00

Monday was 6 weeks raw for Greg and I!! We're both thrilled, proud of ourselves & thanking God for blessing this journey!

We weighed in at the one month mark, I took my measurements & we took photos. But we didn't have internet at the time! So I guess I'll post those stats now. :o)

Greg released 24 pounds, I released 23 pounds, and 16 inches. Not bad for one month! Here are the photos, the left photo in each is taken 8/12/07 (the day before we went 100% raw) and then the new ones are on the right & were taken 9/13/07:

It's slightly embarrassing to post such specific details and pictures too. But I guess we are what we are, and we must own it. Besides, it won't be too long before we won't be this. Every day brings more progress! When Greg weighed on Saturday, he was down another 5 pounds! I had released 3!

We got a small dehydrator on Sunday, and we're excited about the possibilities that will bring! Like raw pizza, burgers, crackers, vegetable chips, etc. It was hard when we made yummy salsa for raw tacos, but then had no corn chips to dip in the leftover salsa! We were both missing the crunch of chips!

We had searched everywhere for the cheap style WITH a temperature control and couldn't find one anywhere but online. Then, after not being in WalMart for weeks, I saw one there while looking for a large tumbler to drink my smoothies out of! I never found a tumbler, but was thrilled to find the dehydrator! It wasn't there just a few weeks ago! And I got the only one without a damaged box. When I checked out, it rang up as marked down! What a blessing! I did NOT want to go to WalMart at all, and then this was waiting for me there! Yay! We made banana chips & apple chips, which were devoured by the kids in one sitting!

Greg's still struggling a lot more than I am though with cravings and negative thoughts. The irritability seems to have passed! But he misses his cooked food & wishes there was a balance between raw and cooked. I've done so much research and I know that for me, that balance doesn't exist. Maybe it does for some people, and that's really wonderful, and very healthy! But for me, it would be such a slippery slope. But then, I was truly addicted to the SAD foods, and Greg wouldn't really qualify as addicted. I could go weeks without a salad, and live off of fast foods. Greg always enjoyed fruit & would buy it all the time. He almost always ate a more balanced diet & didn't binge like me. He still got pretty overweight though because of eating out all the time & fast foods. Not to mention desserts! I was never balanced- I was either all about health, or all about junk. So, it's 100% raw for me from now on. Greg says he's convicted about it and committed to it. He just wishes it wasn't so difficult. So he's not giving up, and I'm so proud of him, really!

I haven't had much appetite lately and I haven't been eating much at all. Yesterday I didn't eat anything all day and never even had a drink of water! I know this isn't good. I must get some calories, even when I don't feel like it. At least, I think so. Part of me wants to follow my body's cues, but I also want to get my calories and have more energy! But I must drink! What was I thinking? I didn't even realize it until around 7:30 pm or so!

I've been so tired and I'm ready to get that energy I need! I could sleep all day if I could find a way to! I keep waiting for that to pass, but no improvement yet. Perhaps it's detox? Greg has more energy than me, but he eats a lot more fruit. I suppose I should too, although it's not appetizing to me. I don't know why! I typically stick to having green smoothies, vegetables like celery, and a few nuts/seeds.

We're both feeling good though & I'm happy to not have any cravings yet. Now I need to get started on a raw pizza to make Greg happy! He thinks the dehydrator is the missing link in our raw food adventure! So, I need to master this new appliance!

Not feeling well

2007-09-06T13:50:00.000-07:00

I realized I hadn't posted in a bit when a friend mentioned it. I suppose that's because I haven't been feeling well. Word to the wise- chew your raw almonds very carefully! I didn't, and a jagged piece got stuck in my throat Friday night. I never thought such a small thing could wreak such havoc on a body! My throat was swollen and raw for days! The glands in my throat were swollen. Everything I tried to eat, like cantaloupe or green smoothies felt like acid to my throat. I ate watermelon Sunday, and that's all. It was only thing I could eat without severe pain. Monday I was out of watermelon so I didn't eat at all, same thing Tuesday until dinner. I had to chew 3 times as much as normal to get down my celery, carrots & raw humus. Yesterday was fine, still swollen glands, but I could drink my green smoothie. Today, it hurts all over again. I just realized I haven't eaten today because of it. Man, it hurts!!!!

Greg's been feeling irritable for last week or so. He misses cooked foods. He also has lots of cravings, which I seem to have been spared (at least for now). Neither of us has wavered from our 100% raw commitment during the tough times though. I'm so proud of Greg. He's really sticking to it even though he doesn't feel very positively about it right now. I'm praying he can get a more positive perspective, only because your thoughts play such an important role in your success. It could be some detox as well though, and either way, I'm praying it passes soon for him.

I forgot to mention how we cleaned out our pantry, fridge & freezer the first week of going raw. We carried two brown paper grocery bags and one or two plastic ones to my sister's house. I don't even know how much money it all cost! I felt bad about getting rid of it all, but the money wasn't why. It's cause I'm so aware that it's not going to do them any good either, you know?

I love having a clean pantry. I also reorganized my cabinets, and that felt so good!

So, I'm going to grab some more water. Oh my throat! I don't want to see an almond again for a while! ;o)

Life is good!

2007-08-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

So it's 2 weeks today! Neither of us has slipped up, even once! Greg did choose to have regular olives. It wasn't cheating, he thought about it & really felt like it wasn't that bad. He said as soon as we can find raw olives, he'll have those instead. And he really didn't eat many at all. He has a lot of temptation in his day to day life. Even more than I do. I'm SO proud of him for staying committed.

The kids aren't 100% when they leave our home. But they are here at home, and they've handled the transition really well. No one would know such major changes have been made! they really took it in stride! The only time they haven't been 100% was at church!

Greg & I made salsa this weekend and I attempted to make guacamole. The salsa turned out great! ;o) We had it with dehydrated flax crackers! I did eat the guacamole, but it wasn't so good. We'll be trying to make corn chips ourselves by dehydrating them in the oven on warm. It'll take a very long time! But I think a dehydrator would as well. Buying dehydrated crackers is very expensive! Hopefully, our attempt will be successful!

We both have had cravings during the last week, Greg more than I. But, we've pushed through.

Friday night was date night and we went to the "local" raw restaurant! Yummy! We were so happy! The food was yummy, the atmosphere was delightful, and we just really enjoyed the entire experience! It was worth the 45 min drive to get there! We hope to again next month as well! This was the first time we've gone to a restaurant since going raw. We have no plans to go to any other ones either. We always ate out before. We spent way too much money on it actually. We're saving money there and spending it on all this produce, raw nuts, and seeds! Once you go raw, and realize that at a normal restaurant you would usually get a salad (and have to bring your own dressing)- you realize how much your really paying for that salad, when you have those ingredients, or better, in the fridge! It's pointless! We'll go for social reasons, if we need to hang out with friends, but that rarely happens. This once a month date night to the raw restaurant will be all we need, I think! But back to the point, the food was incredible there, and it really inspired me!

Oh, we weighed in Saturday morning and Greg lost 6 more pounds! I lost 3 more! Hmm, a month ago I thought that would've been at the top of a post! It just seems like a really awesome side effect though- not the point of this! We're feeling terrific! God has really been blessing this process. Obedience to Him feels wonderful, and peaceful. I wish we hadn't waited so long to do it.

Rejoice!

2007-08-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

So this is day 8 on the raw journey, and we're feeling really great! We've noticed positive health changes, subtle, but undeniable. We have more energy too! We've both lost 9 pounds, and we've seen great behavior changes in our 5 year old. I thought she was a terrific kid to begin with, but without all the SAD foods in her diet, she's even more amazing! Who knew?!

Greg's excited about the entire process and can't believe how simple it's been! I am too, but it's so neat to know he feels this way, when he's been a meat & potatoes guy since toddler-hood!. I think God has really blessed us for finally being obedient to the conviction he put on my heart. This week has gone so smoothly for such a sudden and extreme transition!

I don't have a raw un-cook book yet, so I'm limited to some recipes on the internet. We've mainly been eating fruits, salads & green smoothies. The most adventurous I've been is in making my own salad dressings, since those have to be raw as well. That's gone pretty good! But I cannot wait to get a great book, so we can have some variety! A Vita-Mix would be superb, we need to save our pennies!!

Greg really wants something crisp, like a cracker or tortilla chip! I know we can do that, I just have to get all the ingredients together. Doesn't seem like one store has all we need! We don't have a dehydrator, but I'm hoping we can make the oven work on the warm setting even with the door cracked? We bought so many tomatoes, and we'd love to make salsa, but I want to dip something other than celery in it! LOL!

This weekend was adventurous! We went to 2 new stores we'd never gone too before, and a farmers market we'd never explored. It was really neat, and we all enjoyed it! And we never needed to go out to eat! We packed celery and carrots for lunch, and also had a couple Lara bars to share between the 4 of us. With that and plenty of water, we were set! And it was lovely!!!

I'm looking forward to this week!

Please allow me to introduce myself...

2007-08-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

I'm Resa, and I'm so glad to be here. I'm not a great writer, and I'm a newbie to blogging, but I hope this blog at least helps me too see the progression my family makes on this journey, and it'll give me space to put my thoughts! After all, I'm much more than just raw! I want to have a place to express everything I am, and all that I'm going through!

I wanted to start by sort of putting it all out there. The thoughts I'm having right now as we start this journey. About what's led me here & what I've gone through. I know I'll have more stuff to deal with as time goes by, but for now, if it's on my mind, I want it to be put out here. That way it's not only in my head! And it doesn't trickle out over the next few weeks! So, I hope I don't spill my guts too much for an initial blog entry. But perhaps if I get it all out there, I can move forward easier. This is where I'm coming from after all.

So, I'm 32 years old, and on Monday I weighed in at 269 pounds. My hubby is Greg, he's 35 and weighed in at 240. We have 2 daughters, ages 5 and 2. Greg and I went 100% raw overnight, we started on Monday, 8/13/07. So this is day 5! Our girls went about 98% raw starting Monday. As far as cooked, they've only had a slice of cheese each day. And they know that we're not buying anymore of that. We don't want to be too strict with them, they're kids. I know they'll have snacks with friends and stuff. I don't want them to feel weird at play dates. But we home school, so most of the food they eat is right here, and that's raw now! I do want them to know what true health feels like, so they can make the right choices for themselves! So, we're a raw family in a cooked world! It's not going to be easy, but we're not looking back!

I've been researching and learning about raw since May of last year. That's over 14 months! I knew right away that it was right for me. God immediately put in on my heart that this was the way I was supposed to live. I actually remember a specific moment about 2 months after learning what raw was, when He made it very clear to me. I was driving home from Dairy Queen, and I was waiting at red light half way home. Suddenly I felt, very strongly, not like a voice speaking to me, but almost- a very clear statement. That eating this way was a sin. Maybe not for anyone else, but it was for me. That I was either doing it God's way, or the other guy's way. Period. But, I struggled to be obedient to that. I was addicted to junk foods, and to SAD (Standard American Diet) foods in general. I would've denied it before, but realizing the changes I needed to make, made me realize just how addicted I was. I did several "fasts" (not true 'water' fasts) during the last year, but never raw. Just veggies, fruits, seeds and nuts, but sometimes cooked. I'm much better at fasting than normal eating. That's why we went 100% raw overnight. If I have any SAD food at all, I go off the deep end.

On January first of this year, I decided to go 100% raw, starting with a green smoothie cleanse. I went 4 days into the cleanse, and then found out I was pregnant. We were overjoyed! I ended the cleanse, but stayed about 90% raw, having 1 or 2 green smoothies a day. On January 19th, 6 weeks along, I had a miscarriage. It's the first one I ever experienced and it just knocked the wind out of me. I was so heartbroken. We never saw a baby, no one knows how far along that pregnancy developed. But that didn't matter to us. I literally ate my emotions, practically binging, just having no regard for my health. The knowledge of that revelation I had the summer before, that eating this way was a sin for me, made matters even worse. I felt guilty on top of all the sadness.

Over the next 6 months, I tried to eat healthier, but never attempted go raw. I had some "female issues" with periods lasting 30 days! In June I went to an OB to try and figure out what was going on with the extra long periods. And I found out I was newly pregnant!!! Because of the last miscarriage, they sent me for blood work and ultrasounds. All the labs looked great! We saw a heartbeat a week or two later! Then, on July 8th, 7 weeks along, it happened again, another miscarriage. This time was even harder because we had seen that heartbeat. We knew there was a baby.

So, for the past month, I've been struggling. Emotionally and spiritually. I refuse to eat badly in response to it though. That path just led to more misery. You know, I ate so healthy when pregnant. It's like knowing that there's life inside me gave me this incentive to put aside my SAD addiction and eat rationally! It confuses me that just my own health isn't worth that much to me! And I have two daughters who need me to be healthy. I haven't figured out why it doesn't seem the same to me, I just decided not to do it anymore. I'm done with that lifestyle.

I know this is my first day blogging, and I don't want to turn anyone off because of my spirituality, but I have to be true to who I am. I believe in God, and I'm a Christian. I'm a very spiritual person. My relationship with Him is the center of my existence! So, going through all of this really made me question a lot of things, and a lot of it, I just don't have answers for. I know I trust Him though.

I also know that back in May of last year, when I first realized there was a raw vegan lifestyle, He put it in my heart that I should be raw. He presented it to me again and again after that. Seriously- I would pray for solutions to these issues I was having, and I would have the raw vegan lifestyle put in my face each time! All the while, I disobeyed Him and chose to keep living the way I had been. I didn't want to sacrifice all the foods I loved, I didn't want to be different. I'm already known as the odd one for all the natural living type choices we make, and the opinions I have. I didn't want to be this extreme! I wanted to be able to just blend in on this one! It was put on my heart over and over that we should make this change. I just acted like a little child, kicking and insisting "But, I don't WANNA!"

Now, I'm not saying at all that God punished me with these miscarriages. But I do wonder if maybe I had listened to Him, they wouldn't have happened. The OB's think I might have a polyp in my uterus. And it certainly wasn't there before. When I had my 2 yr old I had a bazillion ultrasounds because of her position. We had the most high tech machines available. They would've seen a polyp. The doctors say they just show up, and no one's sure why. I can guess though, that if it wasn't there last summer, and I had gone raw when I was prompted too, that it probably never would've developed. Polyps have sometimes caused an increased risk of miscarriage.

I kind of feel like Bruce, in Bruce Almighty. Remember when he's driving toward the bridge and he's praying saying something about please God just give me a sign? Then a construction type of truck pulls out in front of him with all the road signs in the back that say stop, turn back, danger ahead, etc. But Bruce doesn't get it. I wonder if that was me. And then here I am, so heartbroken about my loss, and He might have been trying to show me how to avoid this back then.

Don't get me wrong, I have way too much faith to be depressed. I'm not beating myself up, etc. I'm not blaming myself, so to speak, and I'm not blaming God either. I'm just saying that I think I've learned, maybe, how to listen to Him a little more closely. Perhaps how to recognize His voice, as opposed to thinking it's a crazy idea of mine. And also, that obedience to Him is usually in my best interest. So, I'm listening. I'm obeying. I'm a little late, with a little more heartache inside, but a little more wisdom as well. I'm here. And I'm 100% raw!!!