Please allow me to introduce myself...

I'm Resa, and I'm so glad to be here. I'm not a great writer, and I'm a newbie to blogging, but I hope this blog at least helps me too see the progression my family makes on this journey, and it'll give me space to put my thoughts! After all, I'm much more than just raw! I want to have a place to express everything I am, and all that I'm going through!

I wanted to start by sort of putting it all out there. The thoughts I'm having right now as we start this journey. About what's led me here & what I've gone through. I know I'll have more stuff to deal with as time goes by, but for now, if it's on my mind, I want it to be put out here. That way it's not only in my head! And it doesn't trickle out over the next few weeks! So, I hope I don't spill my guts too much for an initial blog entry. But perhaps if I get it all out there, I can move forward easier. This is where I'm coming from after all.

So, I'm 32 years old, and on Monday I weighed in at 269 pounds. My hubby is Greg, he's 35 and weighed in at 240. We have 2 daughters, ages 5 and 2. Greg and I went 100% raw overnight, we started on Monday, 8/13/07. So this is day 5! Our girls went about 98% raw starting Monday. As far as cooked, they've only had a slice of cheese each day. And they know that we're not buying anymore of that. We don't want to be too strict with them, they're kids. I know they'll have snacks with friends and stuff. I don't want them to feel weird at play dates. But we home school, so most of the food they eat is right here, and that's raw now! I do want them to know what true health feels like, so they can make the right choices for themselves! So, we're a raw family in a cooked world! It's not going to be easy, but we're not looking back!

I've been researching and learning about raw since May of last year. That's over 14 months! I knew right away that it was right for me. God immediately put in on my heart that this was the way I was supposed to live. I actually remember a specific moment about 2 months after learning what raw was, when He made it very clear to me. I was driving home from Dairy Queen, and I was waiting at red light half way home. Suddenly I felt, very strongly, not like a voice speaking to me, but almost- a very clear statement. That eating this way was a sin. Maybe not for anyone else, but it was for me. That I was either doing it God's way, or the other guy's way. Period. But, I struggled to be obedient to that. I was addicted to junk foods, and to SAD (Standard American Diet) foods in general. I would've denied it before, but realizing the changes I needed to make, made me realize just how addicted I was. I did several "fasts" (not true 'water' fasts) during the last year, but never raw. Just veggies, fruits, seeds and nuts, but sometimes cooked. I'm much better at fasting than normal eating. That's why we went 100% raw overnight. If I have any SAD food at all, I go off the deep end.

On January first of this year, I decided to go 100% raw, starting with a green smoothie cleanse. I went 4 days into the cleanse, and then found out I was pregnant. We were overjoyed! I ended the cleanse, but stayed about 90% raw, having 1 or 2 green smoothies a day. On January 19th, 6 weeks along, I had a miscarriage. It's the first one I ever experienced and it just knocked the wind out of me. I was so heartbroken. We never saw a baby, no one knows how far along that pregnancy developed. But that didn't matter to us. I literally ate my emotions, practically binging, just having no regard for my health. The knowledge of that revelation I had the summer before, that eating this way was a sin for me, made matters even worse. I felt guilty on top of all the sadness.

Over the next 6 months, I tried to eat healthier, but never attempted go raw. I had some "female issues" with periods lasting 30 days! In June I went to an OB to try and figure out what was going on with the extra long periods. And I found out I was newly pregnant!!! Because of the last miscarriage, they sent me for blood work and ultrasounds. All the labs looked great! We saw a heartbeat a week or two later! Then, on July 8th, 7 weeks along, it happened again, another miscarriage. This time was even harder because we had seen that heartbeat. We knew there was a baby.

So, for the past month, I've been struggling. Emotionally and spiritually. I refuse to eat badly in response to it though. That path just led to more misery. You know, I ate so healthy when pregnant. It's like knowing that there's life inside me gave me this incentive to put aside my SAD addiction and eat rationally! It confuses me that just my own health isn't worth that much to me! And I have two daughters who need me to be healthy. I haven't figured out why it doesn't seem the same to me, I just decided not to do it anymore. I'm done with that lifestyle.

I know this is my first day blogging, and I don't want to turn anyone off because of my spirituality, but I have to be true to who I am. I believe in God, and I'm a Christian. I'm a very spiritual person. My relationship with Him is the center of my existence! So, going through all of this really made me question a lot of things, and a lot of it, I just don't have answers for. I know I trust Him though.

I also know that back in May of last year, when I first realized there was a raw vegan lifestyle, He put it in my heart that I should be raw. He presented it to me again and again after that. Seriously- I would pray for solutions to these issues I was having, and I would have the raw vegan lifestyle put in my face each time! All the while, I disobeyed Him and chose to keep living the way I had been. I didn't want to sacrifice all the foods I loved, I didn't want to be different. I'm already known as the odd one for all the natural living type choices we make, and the opinions I have. I didn't want to be this extreme! I wanted to be able to just blend in on this one! It was put on my heart over and over that we should make this change. I just acted like a little child, kicking and insisting "But, I don't WANNA!"

Now, I'm not saying at all that God punished me with these miscarriages. But I do wonder if maybe I had listened to Him, they wouldn't have happened. The OB's think I might have a polyp in my uterus. And it certainly wasn't there before. When I had my 2 yr old I had a bazillion ultrasounds because of her position. We had the most high tech machines available. They would've seen a polyp. The doctors say they just show up, and no one's sure why. I can guess though, that if it wasn't there last summer, and I had gone raw when I was prompted too, that it probably never would've developed. Polyps have sometimes caused an increased risk of miscarriage.

I kind of feel like Bruce, in Bruce Almighty. Remember when he's driving toward the bridge and he's praying saying something about please God just give me a sign? Then a construction type of truck pulls out in front of him with all the road signs in the back that say stop, turn back, danger ahead, etc. But Bruce doesn't get it. I wonder if that was me. And then here I am, so heartbroken about my loss, and He might have been trying to show me how to avoid this back then.

Don't get me wrong, I have way too much faith to be depressed. I'm not beating myself up, etc. I'm not blaming myself, so to speak, and I'm not blaming God either. I'm just saying that I think I've learned, maybe, how to listen to Him a little more closely. Perhaps how to recognize His voice, as opposed to thinking it's a crazy idea of mine. And also, that obedience to Him is usually in my best interest. So, I'm listening. I'm obeying. I'm a little late, with a little more heartache inside, but a little more wisdom as well. I'm here. And I'm 100% raw!!!