Friday, March 28, 2008

Not so raw for now...

Thank you for your comments of support, encouragement & suggestions last week everyone. After much prayer & way too much thought, I started eating cooked foods last Friday afternoon. And I've been feeling much better. Not 100% better, of course, but I've been keeping food down since I started eating the cooked foods. I've had mostly vegetarian bean burritos & the baked potatoes I was craving. There hasn't been one thing that I've eaten that hasn't agreed with me, or has made me sicker. I was so worried about that! I still get nauseas, but there's something that sounds good, I can eat, and it stays down. I still can't even think about raw foods or green smoothies yet. I know it will come though, I just can't push it or it will take longer to get back to the raw foods.

I asked Greg to pray, and to ask to be released from the raw food conviction as well. At first, I thought that it was wonderful that he was willing to stay raw. But then it felt like a division, a lack of unity in the family. My kids would have been even more confused. He prayed about it for a bit, because like me, he doesn't want to be disobedient to God. Eventually he felt a peace about it & joined me in a bean & rice burrito. He hasn't gotten sick either. He's still eating raw most of the day while at work.

There are lines we will not cross, like overly processed foods, junk foods, or fast foods. We have no desire at all to eat those things. If we did, we still wouldn't eat them, it would be a terrible example to our girls. No ketchup on anything, no soda, no sugar, fried foods, no desserts, I'm sure there are more. I've done my best to explain to our girls why there have been changes recently. And we take opportunities when ordering at restaurants to talk about why we chose a sweet potato instead of fries as a side, or why we drink water as opposed to soda. I think that helps them 'get it'. I don't want them to think that just because we've introduced some cooked foods into our daily routines that all the healthy stuff flies out the window. Because when we used to eat cooked foods, that meant major junk foods. This is new territory!! They love the new variety of foods. I've never seen a 6 & 3 year old so excited to have a baked potato! My goodness.

I'm one of those women that absolutely love being pregnant, even through the morning sickness. The worry & extreme emotional distress of last week was robbing me of my joy! I wanted so badly to do the right thing. And I believe I did. I also believe that I'll be raw again soon, I am not who I used to be. Cooked food doesn't control me anymore & I needed to trust myself & God enough to see that. Thank you to those that pointed that out to me. Yall's support means more than I can say! I love you all, thank you so much!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Raw food crisis

Not to be too dramatic, but this has been the worst week of my raw food life!

The morning, noon, & night sickness has kicked in & every raw food that I've consumed in the last 7 months now disgusts me. :o( I've thrown up only twice, but I can't eat much at all regardless. Tuesday I couldn't keep anything down at all. And all I ate was a young coconut & an orange!! Yesterday I was able to keep down 1 apple and some watermelon. Today I've had an apple.

I had morning sickness this bad with my first pregnancy (except I could keep more food down & had more options that sounded appealing), but not as bad with my second. I'm spending most of the day in bed, too weak to do anything. It's lasting all day & all night & it's complete with dizziness, headaches, and nausea. My poor kids! It's very difficult to even type this up. I had truly convinced myself that I wouldn't have it this time! I had psyched myself out, really! I was so arrogant and thought that 7 months raw would mean I wouldn't have any morning sickness!! That's ok though, positive thinking can't hurt, and hey- no one can tell me it's a mental thing! I also convinced myself that there's no way I'd not be 100% raw throughout this pregnancy!

So, most of you know that I'm raw because of a spiritual conviction, and I'm really conflicted about what to do now. It's tearing me up guys & I don't think I can even explain in writing how distraught I am. I'm promise I'm not being a drama queen, although I'm sure I am very hormonal. I've spent a lot of today in tears over food. Ridiculous! I've cried because I want the foods that sustained me though my other 2 successful pregnancies, like cheese pizza from my fave restaurant, my all time favorite pregnancy meal- a huge baked potato with butter, sour cream, cheddar, and salsa. I also want nachos & burritos and sushi (not the raw kind). :o(

This is what's going through my head while lying in bed and being overwhelmed with waves of nausea morning to night! And I keep praying, thanking God for this little miracle, such a blessing! I also pray for guidance though. This is way more than cravings, I've had intense cravings while pregnant, and this is way more than that! I'm not sure whether these are cravings on steroids, spiritual attack, or time to take a different approach. ????? No answer yet. I'm trying to be still and be patient.

I'm an extremist. It's all or nothing. Several times I've admired and praised other raw foodists for the way they have such a healthy balanced approach to this lifestyle. Like, staying raw 90% of the time, but eating with family with no bad feelings about it. They're able to just go with the flow, and it doesn't send them into a tailspin. But for me, eating any cooked wouldn't just be a very slippery slope, it would be a landslide! I don't see how pregnancy changes that?! I aspire to get to a healthy place where food no longer holds that addictive quality for me & I could easily and effortlessly just eat a bit of cooked and stay high raw. I'm just not sure I'm there. I doubt that I'm there.

On the other hand, I do not want to be so dogmatic about this lifestyle that I end up being prideful or stubborn about it. At the expense of my health & the baby's. I'm not able to eat the raw foods right now, and for some reason eating cooked sounds like it will settle my stomach. So, even though the food would be cooked, it would be nourishment! It might just be in my head though. No guarantee that a vegan burrito, or potato with salsa wouldn't make me even sicker.

I've seen several raw foodists open that door though & regret it tremendously. It seems once you walk away from raw, it's incredibly difficult to go back for a lot of people. Greg said he would stay 100% raw even if I don't, so that we wouldn't go downhill from here. I think it's amazing that he's willing to do that. But it feels very unfair since this journey has been much harder for him than it has been for me.

Also, there's the miscarriage fear. I never had any morning sickness last year when I experienced the miscarriages, so this is actually a great sign, being so sick. But if I were to not be 100% raw anymore and, God forbid, something bad happened- I would blame myself, lets be honest.

Yes, I'm praying, but I just don't have a peace either way about this. I really feel a bit lost, and desperate. Not a good place to be when making a big decision.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

7 months raw!

Wow, 7 months already?! I'm actually posting this the night before 7 months raw, because I may be without internet the 13th through the 17th. I didn't want to not have the blog updated though!!

So, things have been kind of tough around here. Since we had the flu, most foods don't really sound good to Greg. It's been hard to go through. It brings up all of those feelings of just wanting to be normal & eat with everyone else. We would be watching TV and I could just see the pain on his face at the sight of Outback commercials and Hardee's burgers. It's not always easy, that's for sure. Two Saturday's ago I was running errands all around town with my girls. I just kept wishing, with an unexpected sadness, that I could stop somewhere and have a normal lunch with them at a restaurant. It would be special, and so typical. That feeling lasted a few days actually, like I was mourning it all over again. I almost cried at an Arby's reuben commercial. :o(

We've stuck through it though. And found out that we love the kale salad in Alissa's recipe book. I've fixed that salad about 10 times in 7 days!! When the salad doesn't appeal to us as much anymore, who knows what we'll go to next. Maybe good ole fresh fruits will sound good again? Being tired of the foods or finding them unappetizing can't last forever right?

I'm still having a green smoothie each day, I know they're so good for us. The kids have a decent glass of it as well. Greg got burnt out on them though, for now. It's really tough to keep him happy. He didn't enjoy the dinner I made last night. It's disappointing, when that happens since of course I want him to enjoy the meals that I prepare. I guess I was lucky when we ate cooked foods, he liked almost everything I cooked. Wish I had the same streak of success with raw! Lol. I know it's frustrating for him as well, he's tired of not enjoying meals & wonders what he should eat. I think he would be happier with more variety. Trying out a lot of recipes isn't really in our budget unfortunately.

So Greg is still at 157. He got down to 155 during the past month, but with all the kale salads (there's avocado in it) he put 3 pounds back on & is very happy with that. I'm happy I finally found a way to get avocados into him!! He told me last night that he's finally ready to exercise!! Yay! So he opted not to take a photo this month since he's reached the finish line. :o) I've posted a photo of his start & finish though!!! Take a look at the before, 8/12/07 and his after 2/12/08 with 83 pounds released total! Isn't he amazing!?! I'm SO incredibly proud of him!! He's still 100% raw, he seems really happy with his weight & now he wants to exercise and bulk up a bit (oh, and find some foods he just loves).

I now weigh 185 pounds, that's 84 pounds released in 7 months!! I released 10 pounds in the past month! Actually, while I had the flu I released 11 pounds in only 6 days. Yikes. So I just gained a pound back & have stayed there. And it feels great!!! That's 111 pounds lost since my highest weight in Jan 2006!

I went ahead and measured, I'm sorry I forgot to do it last month. So the inches lost over the past 2 months are: 7.5! Now that doesn't seem all that impressive. But, amazingly, that means that in 7 months I have lost an even 60 inches!!! Let me elaborate a bit. :o) I've lost 2 inches in my neck since I started raw, 8 inches in my bust, 1.5 inches in each of my upper arms (yay!), 9.5 inches in my waist, and 10 inches in my hips!!! Wow!

I finally got a pair of size 14 jeans!! Yippee! A milestone! So you'll see in the newest photo that they fit much better than the size 20's I was still wearing! Lol! I still can't seem to lose this belly, upper or lower. It's smaller, but still out of proportion. And now I'll be growing a belly in a whole new way. ;o) Who knows if it will ever be trim and fit?! I keep having to buy XL shirts because of my upper arms and upper belly, but the shirts are too lose in the shoulders. I'm not complaining though, I'll take whatever I can get. I abused my body for a very long time & it's going to take a while to get it where it should be. Some things will take longer than others, and I am so thrilled with the great results I've had in the last 7 months. Now, what in the world will my shape & size do during the next 9 months? I can't wait to find out!! I've never gone through a pregnancy below 250 pounds before!

This is such an interesting time! Greg's done with his weight loss & I might be as well for the next 8 months! I say 'might' because I lost weight during my first pregnancy, so I might not gain a bunch with this one since I'm still overweight, and I'm 100% raw. Who knows?! You can be sure I will document it here though!! I've loved sharing all of this with you guys these past 7 months & I'm so excited to continue sharing this journey with you all!!! :o)

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

6 months RAW!!!!

I was finally able to sit down at the computer, figure out where the photos went, and get them all sorted out & ready! The way we save photos to our computer changed & I'm not as tech savvy as Greg, so it was a small challenge! LOL!

So, on 2/13/08 when these photos were taken, Greg weighed in at 157 pounds! That's 8 more pounds released in the past month!!! His size 34 pants are super baggy now, so we need to go shopping! He's already past his goal weight also.

I weighed in at 195 releasing a total of 6 pounds in one month. That's a 4 pound gain from my low of 191 at the end of the juice fast. Not too bad after a fast, but I thought I would release more during a month!! I completely forgot to take measurements. :o( Please forgive me!!!!! But honestly, there wasn't much of a change, as you can see in the pictures. The biggest change I see was darkening my hair back to my natural color! LOL!

Here are the photos!!

Monday, March 3, 2008

I just thought that was the most excellent news!!!!

We got a positive pregnancy test Sunday morning!!! Praise God!! We're so beyond thrilled!!! I don't even have the words to express our joy!! We're due Nov. 7th. :o)