Thursday, December 10, 2009

Going strong!

Dinner last night was lovely! The girls thought it was so neat to eat by candlelight. Greg thanked me a dozen times for such a nice meal. I didn't overeat, and I didn't relish every bite, thinking oh how I missed you pot roast! LOL Of course, I said it was Greg's favorite meal, not mine!

We had ice cream for dessert & I was able to use up & throw out 2 cartons of ice cream from the freezer. ;-) Won't be buying any more until it's someone's birthday. I didn't especially enjoy that either. Weird. You would think I would have just savored it! It wasn't yucky, but it wasn't the best thing ever either. Pretty cool!

Oh, but the bread... We had fresh warm bread with the pot roast & that was yummy. I'm a carbaholic. Didn't overeat though.

I woke up this morning and had a green smoothie. For lunch I had a head of celery! For dinner I'm having another green smoothie.

YAY! I didn't go spiraling down into the food abyss!!!

I have enough ingredients for tonight's green smoothie, and then that's it. I'm trying to scrounge up a few dollars (don't have much to sell!) to make a grocery run so I won't have to resort to all cooked. But even if I do, there's no junk in the house besides brownie mix, so it's not like I could get into too much trouble. I am determined to either stay on track, or get right back on it!!

I will make the healthiest choice possible in the moment.

I grab encouragement wherever I can get it, and getting right back to raw after last night's meal is encouraging to me! So are the comments! Thank you all so much for your support, encouragement, and advice!!! <3 I wonder how well it would have gone if I didn't have the accountability of this blog? When it goes beyond just an internal dialogue, I'm accountable to others & more motivated to stick with it!

I keep forgetting to mention this as well. When I first went raw back in 2007, I would sit down with my green smoothie at the computer & look at before & after pictures, websites with testimonials, and any videos I could find (there are A LOT more videos now). Doing that kept me inspired! Well, let me tell you what the most incredible inspiration is right now when I do that...... THIS BLOG!!!! It's so cool to look back at the posts from then and see those pictures & read the numbers going down! I have to say to myself, you can do this- you already DID this!!! Of course I wish I hadn't gotten morbidly obese again. But I'm so glad I have this record of that journey to inspire MYSELF on this new journey!!!!! How awesome!!!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I think I can, I think I can...

Well, it is harder this time. The raw foods don't sound as good to me as I had hoped. I tried the broccoli dish I was excited about in the dehydrator & I could barely eat it. I'm lacking ingredients to try much else. So green smoothies & salads & fruit have been my mainstays.

Its also tough because I'm not eating raw on special occasions. Like Friday, the 4th, was my oldest daughter's birthday, so I ate with them. I had a piece of her cake as well. That spiraled into Saturday because I was super busy & had no time to prepare anything, and why not, I had cooked food the day before...? I was determined to get back on track Sunday & I did. But it wasn't easy.

I've stayed raw since then, but tonight is a very special occasion too. It's been 15 years since our first date. :) It may seem silly to celebrate that, but it's super important to us. After that night we were inseparable & it really marked the start of our life together. I made a pot roast for Greg, his favorite meal, and he would like me to eat with them. Not at all in a sabotaging, unsupportive way. Just like Christmas, it doesn't sound as good to him if he knows I'm not eating too. I can understand this. It's part of why we felt so isolated when we went raw last time.

My concern, once again, is that I'm so darn "all or nothing". I so wish that I was more balanced & could just have a cooked meal now & then without worrying that I'll downspiral into junk food oblivion! Is there a class or a self help book that explains why some people are like this & what can be done to fix it?

I would say that after I have this celebratory dinner tonight that I will go right back to 100% raw first thing in the morning. But... and please understand this is really embarassing to say- I considered just leaving this out & not blogging about the next weeks food choices. But i always strive for full disclosure so... We are completely broke, and I have maybe one more day (if I stretch it) of raw food left to eat. We live VERY paycheck to paycheck & we said back when we were all raw before, that we could never afford to have part of the family raw & part cooked. It's just way too expensive. This is proving to be the case. And we don't even buy very much organic! Not as much as we should, it's just too pricey. I haven't been able to get any staples of a raw food pantry such as almond butter, coconut oil, raw nuts of any sort, coconut butter, etc. My choices for eating have been very slim. And now, I'm running out of frozen fruits for green smoothies, as well as the greens themselves. I use the same greens for salads, so there goes that. I have 3 apples left, a bag of clementines, & 6 bananas. We get paid NEXT Wednesday. I know, it's pathetic to live like that, but this is where we are right now, and we're doing our best. We have lots of frozen ground beef, chicken, and plenty of veggies in the freezer for times like this, and I guess I'll just have to eat those foods for now.

I just don't want to get too discouraged. The transition back to this lifestyle is being tough enough without running out of money & it being right smack in the middle of the holidays.

I'm still at 290, which is understandable.

I miss the way I had such freedom last time. Just knowing that if it wasn't raw, I couldn't eat it, that's it, no question. And the rest of my family was doing the same. My kitchen was a raw kitchen, nothing there to tempt us. Eating raw on special occasions was no big deal for me then. But I'm going to stay positive, and determined, come what may!!! :-)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

So far so good!

I went 100% raw on Friday. Turns out I just didn't want to dibble dabble any longer, so the morning after Thanksgiving I just went for it! So today is day 5, and it's going great!

This time around I'm having to cook for the kids & sometimes the hubby, so that's interesting. I'm only tempted to have some when I let myself get super hungry. But I have resisted, and I'll continue to stay strong! :-) The smells are tough!

It's important to me that we all eat dinner together. That's a challenge now because I'm fixing 3 different meals! The kids don't want anything raw for dinner, Greg has had 2 nights of raw, 1 night of cooked vegan, and 1 night of eating what the kids had so far. I've had smoothies mainly. The smoothies are quick to prepare, but the rest of the family are waiting on me at the table with their food to join them! One night I had a nut pate' and that took a while. I'm hoping that with practice & planning I'll get a routine down & we'll be able to eat together without me getting too stressed!

Because I still have to use the stove & oven this time, I can't use the cover we made for it to sit the dehydrator on. I think we're going to give away our 10 gallon fish tank to make a spot for it. We'll miss our fishies, but Greg & I have gone over the kitchen several times & there's just no more room. And I hate that there's a $300 Excaliber dehydrator sitting in our closet while I'm wondering what else I can eat!!! I need to get some yummy variety going, and the dehydrator really helps with that. I know it will help Greg stay high raw also, he loved the dehydrator goodies. Dehydrating raw recipes at under 118 degrees, keeps the enzymes alive & "raw"! I had a chocolate cracker recipe that Greg loved, & he's waiting to have again! I also had a marinated broccoli dish in a sweet & spicy asian sauce that I can't wait to enjoy!!! The dehydrator gets the broccoli slightly softened & warm. Yum!

For now, I'm mostly having LOTS of green smoothies, a salad or two, and fruit. :-)

Oh, I almost forgot! We tried a raw restaurant on Sunday that Greg & really enjoyed! The kids didn't like it even one little bit though. Not sure how often we'll be able to afford it, but glad to know it's close & yummy! Our favorite raw restaurant is about 45 minutes away. It's been so long since we've been there. I'm amazed at how blessed we are to have 2 raw restaurants so close to us!!!

Today will be interesting, as I have several errands to run & would typically be going to a drive thru for me & the kids for lunch. I guess I'll still do that for them, but I'll have to stay strong & just deal with the hungries! I can do it!

So far, God has answered my prayers once again & taken away the insane junk food cravings that were tormenting me. I am SO thankful for that & I'm not messing that up by eating any of it!!!!

Today I weighed in at 290, so that's 8 pounds released & 125 to go!