Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I think I can, I think I can...

Well, it is harder this time. The raw foods don't sound as good to me as I had hoped. I tried the broccoli dish I was excited about in the dehydrator & I could barely eat it. I'm lacking ingredients to try much else. So green smoothies & salads & fruit have been my mainstays.

Its also tough because I'm not eating raw on special occasions. Like Friday, the 4th, was my oldest daughter's birthday, so I ate with them. I had a piece of her cake as well. That spiraled into Saturday because I was super busy & had no time to prepare anything, and why not, I had cooked food the day before...? I was determined to get back on track Sunday & I did. But it wasn't easy.

I've stayed raw since then, but tonight is a very special occasion too. It's been 15 years since our first date. :) It may seem silly to celebrate that, but it's super important to us. After that night we were inseparable & it really marked the start of our life together. I made a pot roast for Greg, his favorite meal, and he would like me to eat with them. Not at all in a sabotaging, unsupportive way. Just like Christmas, it doesn't sound as good to him if he knows I'm not eating too. I can understand this. It's part of why we felt so isolated when we went raw last time.

My concern, once again, is that I'm so darn "all or nothing". I so wish that I was more balanced & could just have a cooked meal now & then without worrying that I'll downspiral into junk food oblivion! Is there a class or a self help book that explains why some people are like this & what can be done to fix it?

I would say that after I have this celebratory dinner tonight that I will go right back to 100% raw first thing in the morning. But... and please understand this is really embarassing to say- I considered just leaving this out & not blogging about the next weeks food choices. But i always strive for full disclosure so... We are completely broke, and I have maybe one more day (if I stretch it) of raw food left to eat. We live VERY paycheck to paycheck & we said back when we were all raw before, that we could never afford to have part of the family raw & part cooked. It's just way too expensive. This is proving to be the case. And we don't even buy very much organic! Not as much as we should, it's just too pricey. I haven't been able to get any staples of a raw food pantry such as almond butter, coconut oil, raw nuts of any sort, coconut butter, etc. My choices for eating have been very slim. And now, I'm running out of frozen fruits for green smoothies, as well as the greens themselves. I use the same greens for salads, so there goes that. I have 3 apples left, a bag of clementines, & 6 bananas. We get paid NEXT Wednesday. I know, it's pathetic to live like that, but this is where we are right now, and we're doing our best. We have lots of frozen ground beef, chicken, and plenty of veggies in the freezer for times like this, and I guess I'll just have to eat those foods for now.

I just don't want to get too discouraged. The transition back to this lifestyle is being tough enough without running out of money & it being right smack in the middle of the holidays.

I'm still at 290, which is understandable.

I miss the way I had such freedom last time. Just knowing that if it wasn't raw, I couldn't eat it, that's it, no question. And the rest of my family was doing the same. My kitchen was a raw kitchen, nothing there to tempt us. Eating raw on special occasions was no big deal for me then. But I'm going to stay positive, and determined, come what may!!! :-)


Christine "Amanda Moore" said...

December 9, 2009
4:15 p.m.

Dearest Resa,

I SO understand what you are going through!

I have the same "all or nothing" mindset. I also have NO money and have been eating food from food banks and food boxes. So, I am not 100% percent raw, though I want to be more than anything else in the world!

I had a friend post an interesting comment on her website about 4 months ago that has really helped me deal with the fact that I don't have total control over my food choices because of lack of funds. The comment was "I am not my body". This comment hit me very hard because "I" am really my spirit. My "body" is sick and has betrayed me. My "body" requires food that "I" cannot afford to give it. BUT "I" do the very best I can. I don't know if I am making sense, but separating my "body" from "me" (or my spirit/consciousness) has helped with my "all or nothing" mentality and allowed me to accept what "I" can and cannot do for my "body" at this time.

I pray a lot for the funds in the near future to take better care of my "body" and so leave it fully in God's hands knowing that He knows "I" have a willing spirit to feed my "body" the best food I can.

You are awesome, Resa! You have been such a great example of motherhood, wifehood and raw foodist to me! You were my first real inspiration to do raw for an extended period of time and I won't ever forget that.

Remember, remember, remember, Resa that we can only do the best we can do and that is all that God requires of us also.

Much love, Christine

Ricki said...

Christine put it so well, I have nothing to add!! Just sending love :)

Anonymous said...

Raw or cook this site might help. Blessings

Tracy said...

With 5 children and another on the way the Lord showed me that I needed balance in my life. We could not afford to buy so much raw food. I slowly worked my way back to eating cooked and raw food and things are so much better. Not just financially but physically it was so stressful for me.

Have you ever looked into Dr. John McDougall? It is a very healthy alternative that the whole family can do and it is very inexpensive! I add plenty of raw fruits and veggies to this way of eating and I LOVE it!! It has been the biggest blessing in my life.