Not to be too dramatic, but this has been the worst week of my raw food life!
The morning, noon, & night sickness has kicked in & every raw food that I've consumed in the last 7 months now disgusts me. :o( I've thrown up only twice, but I can't eat much at all regardless. Tuesday I couldn't keep anything down at all. And all I ate was a young coconut & an orange!! Yesterday I was able to keep down 1 apple and some watermelon. Today I've had an apple.
I had morning sickness this bad with my first pregnancy (except I could keep more food down & had more options that sounded appealing), but not as bad with my second. I'm spending most of the day in bed, too weak to do anything. It's lasting all day & all night & it's complete with dizziness, headaches, and nausea. My poor kids! It's very difficult to even type this up. I had truly convinced myself that I wouldn't have it this time! I had psyched myself out, really! I was so arrogant and thought that 7 months raw would mean I wouldn't have any morning sickness!! That's ok though, positive thinking can't hurt, and hey- no one can tell me it's a mental thing! I also convinced myself that there's no way I'd not be 100% raw throughout this pregnancy!
So, most of you know that I'm raw because of a spiritual conviction, and I'm really conflicted about what to do now. It's tearing me up guys & I don't think I can even explain in writing how distraught I am. I'm promise I'm not being a drama queen, although I'm sure I am very hormonal. I've spent a lot of today in tears over food. Ridiculous! I've cried because I want the foods that sustained me though my other 2 successful pregnancies, like cheese pizza from my fave restaurant, my all time favorite pregnancy meal- a huge baked potato with butter, sour cream, cheddar, and salsa. I also want nachos & burritos and sushi (not the raw kind). :o(
This is what's going through my head while lying in bed and being overwhelmed with waves of nausea morning to night! And I keep praying, thanking God for this little miracle, such a blessing! I also pray for guidance though. This is way more than cravings, I've had intense cravings while pregnant, and this is way more than that! I'm not sure whether these are cravings on steroids, spiritual attack, or time to take a different approach. ????? No answer yet. I'm trying to be still and be patient.
I'm an extremist. It's all or nothing. Several times I've admired and praised other raw foodists for the way they have such a healthy balanced approach to this lifestyle. Like, staying raw 90% of the time, but eating with family with no bad feelings about it. They're able to just go with the flow, and it doesn't send them into a tailspin. But for me, eating any cooked wouldn't just be a very slippery slope, it would be a landslide! I don't see how pregnancy changes that?! I aspire to get to a healthy place where food no longer holds that addictive quality for me & I could easily and effortlessly just eat a bit of cooked and stay high raw. I'm just not sure I'm there. I doubt that I'm there.
On the other hand, I do not want to be so dogmatic about this lifestyle that I end up being prideful or stubborn about it. At the expense of my health & the baby's. I'm not able to eat the raw foods right now, and for some reason eating cooked sounds like it will settle my stomach. So, even though the food would be cooked, it would be nourishment! It might just be in my head though. No guarantee that a vegan burrito, or potato with salsa wouldn't make me even sicker.
I've seen several raw foodists open that door though & regret it tremendously. It seems once you walk away from raw, it's incredibly difficult to go back for a lot of people. Greg said he would stay 100% raw even if I don't, so that we wouldn't go downhill from here. I think it's amazing that he's willing to do that. But it feels very unfair since this journey has been much harder for him than it has been for me.
Also, there's the miscarriage fear. I never had any morning sickness last year when I experienced the miscarriages, so this is actually a great sign, being so sick. But if I were to not be 100% raw anymore and, God forbid, something bad happened- I would blame myself, lets be honest.
Yes, I'm praying, but I just don't have a peace either way about this. I really feel a bit lost, and desperate. Not a good place to be when making a big decision.
11 comments:
You need to eat, sweetie! Your body and your baby's body needs nourishment. Make the most healthful choices you can of the foods you can keep down. Take each day at a time. With time, some of the morning (noon and night) sickness will get better and you can incorporate more and more raw choices. For now, though, I would be very concerned about this critical time in the baby's development. The baby's brain needs fat. So, do the baked potatoe and use raw olive oil instead of butter. Use raw salsa instead of cooked. Use organic sour cream if you want sour cream. Just do the best you can and take each day at a time. Now is not the time to worry about your weight and food addictions. You need to eat...but eat as healthy as you possibly can! The Lord will bless you as you take care of yourself and your baby the very best you can. I will be praying for all of you, Christine
Thank you Christine, good suggestions. This is pretty much what Greg said today as well. Eating cooked wouldn't mean eating junk either. Weight loss is no concern anymore at all! I'm worried that I'm losing weight this week. Mainly, my issue is my conviction, you know? It's so very important to me to be obedient to God in my life. Thanks again for your support & words of wisdom.
I'm no expert but I'd have a heart to heart with God and tell Him, unless you tell me in no uncertain terms not to, I'm gonna have me a baked potato :)
Seriously, I'm amazed at what you've accomplished with the raw eating, but maybe the point was to make you SO aware of what you're putting into your body and getting you healthy.
You'll probably never go back to eating junk or processed foods, maybe that is what the lesson was for. Know what I mean?
(((hugs))) I admire you no matter what you decide.
Resa,
I am sorry about bringing up the weight issue...of course you are not worried about your weight (unless you are losing too much). I guess I was just trying to say that now is not the time to be all or nothing. God is definetely NOT all or nothing! He wants us to do our very best. Like wisconsin crunchy mama said maybe the lesson learned is all the knowledge you have! I don't think you will ever be the junk food eater that you were. Trust yourself a little too, Resa. AND trust in the Lord. He wants you to be the healthiest you can be and I really don't think that making the wisest choices you can with the foods that you can keep down with make you unhealhy! I also do believe that with time you may start craving some of your raw food favorites. In the meantime, though, I hope you will eat! Lots of love, Christine
Hi Resa! First of all-congratulations on your pregnancy and your wonderful health achievements! I love to read your blog and find you so inspirational.
Secondly- Do you think you might be able to stomach some fresh juice? I had a really great midwife when I was expecting and she highly recommended fresh juices for mommies who had bad morning sickness.
Hope this helps and God bless you!
Thanks everyone for your support & advice. I just finished my first cooked food, a warm baked potato with salsa. At the end, I added a tiny bit of cheese. Lets hope I keep it down. It's the first thing that was appetizing and tasted good all week. I finished it about 10 min ago & so far I feel better than I have in days! It was wasn't amazingly delicious or anything, it was just a plain potato, but I think it's what I needed first to do this. A lot prayer & way too much thought went into this decision and I do have a peace about it. I believe I'm not doing anything "wrong", so I'm ok, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The advice of everyone here has helped so much, thank you sounds trivial!
WCM, thank you SO much for reading & helping!! I miss you! I didn't know you checked in here. :o) I agree with what you said about being aware and the lesson, thank you very much!
Christine, there's no need to apologize, I knew what you meant! I felt like I needed to say that though just for the record, you know. ;o) And I weighed this morning, I've lost 6 pounds this week. :o( Your support means so much, thank you!
Queen B, I will try that asap, I don't feel strong enough to make any yet, but I will! Thanks for the suggestion!
{{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry you are so sick!
I know this must have been so difficult for you.
{{hugs}}
HAPPY EASTER, RESA!!!
How are you feeling? Christine
Resa,
I am still praying earnestly for you my friend.. I've been offline since Thursday.. back now..
how are you feeling?
I support you10000% whatever you decide.. u and baby come first!!!
angel
p.s. btw- hope it's okay but I "tagged" you.. my latest blogpost says it.. :) love ya!
Resa,
I know only too well what you are going through. I am now 29 weeks but had been raw for 2 1/2 years before this pregnancy.
I, too, thought that I wouldn't have any morning sickness at all. Then at about 6 weeks it hit me so hard.
Your situation sounds just like mine. I could NOT eat any of my normal raw foods. I could not eat any greens and very little fruits. One thing I could eat was grapes. I would eat a few every know and then.
I felt torn on the inside but ended up adding some cooked foods in during that first trimester. It really helped. No, it did not take it away but I did much better than I did with the raw foods only.
Please don't worry that you won't go back to raw. Trust me, you will be sick of cooked food in no time. The minute that nausea lifts you will want everything and anything that is RAW. It will be fine.
Now that I am in my third trimester I don't want anything cooked at all. It wasn't hard to get back to it. My body started craving the raw foods and showing me the way.
Trust in your self. IT is worth it in the end for that healthy little baby that you will hold in your arms.
I will be praying for peace for you in your heart. Bless you dear!
Remember when you had your first baby and people who didn't even know you would give you advice?! Well, here you are again with another person who doesn't know you telling you to FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. We get so very caught up in what is the "right" thing to do or what is wrong that we forget instinct. Now, I'll bet you all the money in my checking account that your instincts DON'T say, eat that pizza. That is 100% emotional conversation. But you are not alone. Many women have had healthy babies with 100% raw pregnancies, and many women have eaten cooked food and had healthy babies. The only other peice of advice I'll give you is brown rice. I have read that when you feel ill when transitioning to raw (which isn't the case, I understand) eating one bowl of brown rice will settle you without throwing you off target. Now, if your instincts says stay the course, than ignore the rice. Before you go to sleep, let yourself find peace and set the question before God. You'll wake up with the answer.
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